#hope you dont mind me reminiscing for a moment... but i do love the blood dog bear anime

[broncoburro]

it made me really happy to know that you also like the ginga series. i swear its such a small fandom!!

Yep, I love Silver Fang! It's one of the first anime I ever watched.

At the time, I'd rarely seen portrayals of how intimidating and bleak that sort of winter wilderness and weather can feel. I was used to seeing cheery christmas-type scenes. The anime, with its moody synth soundtrack and contrast of dark black alpine forest, white snow, and blood just kind of felt "right".

I'm from a part of my country barely north enough where the winters juuuust start getting what you can call "sucky". (Though I'm sure 80% of the rest of Canada would laugh at me for saying that.) My immediate family didn't own a car. A lot of my childhood was walking to school, or stores, or friends' houses through the worst weather my area had to offer. Winter is half the year, and with it always came a few weeks in the -30s, and life didn't stop during that. You still had to go get groceries or go to school.

And when I was in a car for occasional longer travel (usually further north), the landscape felt uninhabited, harsh, and frightening to my child self. Sometimes I'd pretend to see the anime dogs running outside the window. (Of course as an adult... these same areas I traveled through are VERY inhabited and fascinating places, but it's scary as a child to be able to drive 3 or 4 hours without seeing almost any towns!)

The art in the manga was especially inspirational.

I'm a sucker for heavy blacks and the contrast of that with stark whites or a bold color like red. And I'm sure some of the influence is visible in my own art and choice in story setting.

...All that to say, yes. Ginga Nagareboshi Gin was formative media for me. I don't much care for Ginga Densetsu Weed or the following mangas, but GNG holds a special place in my heart.

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

songs that make me think of vampy and why

this is for drea and leyla ONLY thank u

daylight- taylor swift "i don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, i don't wanna think of anything else now that i thought of you" bc vampy loves her so much he only wants her 😔 midnight love- girl in red "I know I'm the last one you try to call but I always give in to give you it all" "your silver is my gold" bc miss chiropractor treated him terribly but he loved her with everything and would have gone back to her no matter what watch you sleep- girl in red this one is obvious: bc vampy watches bloodbag sleep :) also "the scar on your spine, you fell off a roof when you were nine" is all appreciating the tiny details about someone and that is definitely something vampy would do :( paper rings: taylor swift "i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this" line without a hook- ricky montgomery "oh baby i am a wreck when i'm without you" bc vampy loves bloodbag so much he just wants to be with her always 😔 dead girl in the pool- girl in red this one is kinda weird but i feel like bloodbag is gonna die at some point and then vampy will just be like "theres a dead girl in the pool (or wherever her corpse is laying slfjskldfjkldsj) i don't know what to do" and then he's gonna make this face

bad habits- ed sheeran bc he was just slutting around before he met bloodbag demons- imagine dragons dont make fun of me for this I KNOW but fr it's vampy renegade- taylor swift "you wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody" he needs bloodbag 😔 starting line- luke hemmings i can't really explain this one but it's like how you always talk about how his happiness is overshadowed by the fact that he's a monster or whatever million dollar bills - lorde "theres nothing i want but money and time" and vampy has literally all the money and time :) solar power- lorde this is harrys hot girl anthem idk happiness- taylor swift "there'll be happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you" this is him reminiscing on miss chiropractor i wanna get better-bleachers "i didn't know i was lonely til i saw your face" "I didn't know i was broken til i wanted to change" come on 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 good 4 u - olivia rodrigo this is his fuck u song for miss chiropractor my tears ricochet- taylor swift "if i'm dead to you why are you at the wake" it's ironic innit 😌 what a feeling- one direction "what a feeling to be right here beside you now, holding you in my arms" please 😔 "everybody needs someone around" 😔😔😔 "but i can't hold you too close now" bc he has severe attachment and commitment issues :) all you had to do was stay- taylor swift "had me in the palm of your hand, then, why'd you have to go and lock me out when i let you in" omg miss chiropractor really hurt him 😔 king of my heart- taylor swift "and all at once you are the one i have been waiting for" bloodbag @ vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 cruel summer- taylor swift "I love you ain't that the worst thing you ever heard" bc he knows getting close to bloodbag will ultimately only lead to pain for everyone involved "i don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you" bc he can't tell bloodbag everything about him even tho he probably wants to :( thank u next- arianna grande this is weird BUT if miss chiropractor hadn't fucked him up so much he never would have met bloodbag tear in my heart- 21 pilots again don't make fun of me for this I HAVE AN EXPLANATION "you fell asleep in my car i drove the whole time but that's okay i'll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine" if bloodbag fell asleep in his car he would definitely do this :( shape of you-ed sheeran "now my bedsheets smell like you" his room probably smells like honey and lavender all the time now and he's probably foaming at the mouth constantly cowboy in LA "let's skip the club, lets skip the crowd, i wanna take you on a date" bc they both hate clubs!!!!! "I'll hold your hand I'll hold the door bc that's how i was raised" he's a gentleman 😔😔😔😔 & burn- billie eilish "i'll sit and watch your car burn with the fire that you started in me, but you never came back to ask it out" idk for some reason this has vampy and miss chiropractor vibes take me to church- hozier religious trauma babes 🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼 speechless- dan+shay "i'm speechless, staring at you standing there in that dress" love 😔 yours- russel dickerson "i came to life when i first kissed you, the best me has his arms around you, you make me better than i was before, thank god i'm yours" SCREAMING AND CRYING AND SHAKING tolerate it- taylor swift "i know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it" MISS ******** DIDN"T APPRECIATE OR CELEBRATE HIS LOVE MIA- anarbor "thinking about my life and everything i did wrong along the way"😔 lay low- josh turner for when bloodbag and vampy go to a cabin in the woods for a week and just love each other 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 who can save me now- anarbor "you stabbed me in the back" this one is pretty literal LSKFJLKSJFLKDSJ "you could have at least been kind enough to let me turn around" ouch 😔 dopamine- anarbor "i'm hooked on your dopamine" vampy and bloodbag ugh lie to me- 5sos this give me vampy and ******** vibes "i wish we never met, cause you're too hard to forget" "while i'm cleaning up your mess i know he's taking

off your dress" bc she probably cheated on him while they were together 😔 and he would have stayed with her if she told him she loved him, even if he knew it was a lie 😔 cotton candy- yungblud it's just a happy song with good vibes like bloodbag and vampy currently have :) small talk- niall horan i don't even have to say anything here pillowtalk- zayn "so we'll piss off the neighbors" chappy 9 vibes dancing with our hands tied- taylor swift "i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us" vampy rn 😔 once in a lifetime- one direction vampy will live a million lifetimes but he will only ever have one bloodbag 😔 holy ground- taylor swift "tonight i'm gonna dance for all that we've been through but I don't wanna dance if i'm not dancing with you" they've come so far omg 😔 since we're alone- niall horan "you can show me your heart, if you put it all in my hands no i swear no i won't break it apart" crying if i could fly- one direction "for your eyes only i'll show you my heart" rollercoaster- bleachers again i can't explain it but it makes me think of him 😔 so long- niall horan "so if we knew all along why did it take so long" good question bestie current location- LANY "i need your current location to be my current location" they're idiots in love and want to be together all the time 😔 why dont we go there- one direction "hey i don't want you to be the one that got away i wanna get addicted to you you're rushing through my mind i wanna feel the high i wanna be addicted" well hes already addicted to her blood so might as well like you lots- LANY bc they both have issues and can't say love lmao too much to ask- niall horan vampy though wanting love was too much to ask of miss chiropractor 😔 walking in the wind- one direction this one just has his vibes man 😔 heartbeat- carrie underwood "dancing to the rhythm of your heartbeat" bc vampy is obsessed with listening to bloodbag's heart (fan behavior if you ask me) idfc- blackbear this is vampy and ******** bc "tell me that you love me even if it's fake" city of angels- 24kgoldn "i sold my soul to the devil for designer" yes this made me laugh the woods- olivver the kid "waking up in the middle of the woods" "don't you wanna get out of here, out of the woods" flashback to when he was dead in the woods oop "you brought me down to the river, and you pushed me in, hoping that the white rapids would challenge my ability to swim" bc... she's a murderer omg this verse is talking about leaves and i'm freaking out it fits 100% this is crazy "You pick up two handfuls You tell me they're all dried up & dead You know that's nothing like us We'll live forever instead" just a little bit of your heart- ariana grande vampy bc he loves so deeply and completely that he will give all of himself to someone even if they won't do the same my strange addiction- billie eilish bc he is addicted to her blood :) cross your mind- niall horan this is vampy and ******** "love the way you hurt me and it doesn't even cross your mind" "leaving me in pieces (literally lmao) but i swear it's worth it every time" everywhere- niall horan that scene where vampy smelled some perfume or soap or something and it made him think of bloodbag 😔 everything makes him think of her now 😔 "swear it's hard to think it's hard to breathe when you're in the air" put a little love on me- niall horan "you're the only one i need" 😔 bend the rules- niall horan VAMPY AND ******** ALL THE WAY "i'm not saying that you're lying but you're leaving out the truth" heartbreak weather- niall horan "all of my life i've been sleepwalk living, running around the same bars i've been in, it can be so lonely in this city, but it feels different when you're with me" bloodbag and vampy 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 mr loverman- ricky montgomery "i miss my lover man" vampy is probably dramatic like this all the time now that they're official 😔 bad blood- taylor swift again, just for the irony 😌 vapor- 5sos "i want to breathe you in like a vapor i want to be the one you remember i want to feel

your love like the weather all over me" they're so in love like this 😔 catch fire- 5sos "all my life i've been waiting for moments to come" he's been waiting for bloodbag his entire life 😔 beside you-5sos "i wish i was beside you" they want to be together all the time 😔 black and white- niall horan "that first night i was standing at your door fumbling for your keys then i kissed you" ARE YOU KIDDING ME not in the same way- 5sos this is vampy and ******** just bc they were so toxic lkfjskldfjsdlkjf lonely heart-5sos "and i haven't slept in days" lmao ghost of you-5sos "my feet dont dance like they did with you" thinking about when vampy danced for bloodbag and what if they break up 👁️👁️ why wont you love me- 5sos vampy at ******** 😔 he just wanted to be loved 😔😔😔😔😔 fool's gold- one direction "i let you use me from the day that we first met" "i know your love's not real, but that's not the way it feels" STOP IM SAD last first kiss- one direction "let me be your last first kiss" i want them to be together forever 😔 truly madly deeply- one direction "foolishly completely falling and somehow you kicked all my walls in" bloodbag really snuck into his heart huh 😔 fireproof -one direction "nobody saves me baby the way you do" ugh 😔 long story short-taylor swift "clung to the nearest lips long story short it was the wrong guy" (or in vampy's case the wrong vampire) gold rush-taylor swift "and the coastal town we run around has never seen a love as pure as it" bloodbag and vampy are all i want 😔 no judgement- niall horan bc vampy would never judge bloodbag 😔 daddy issues- the neighborhood again im not even gonna say anything here new angel- niall horan "the touch of someone else to save me from myself" this is vampy 😔 god is a woman- ariana grande vampy after he brought bloodbag home the first time something like this- the chainsmokers "just something i can turn to, somebody i can kiss" ALL VAMPY WANTS IS LOVE sweater weather- the neighborhood idk this song makes me think of him all of me- john legend "all of me loves all of you all your curves and all your edges all your perfect imperfections" KSFLKSDJFKLDJSFLJSDKLFJDSKL i like me better- lauv "i like me better when i'm with you" she makes him a better person 😔 sex- eden "oh no, i think i'm catching feelings" vampy when bloodbag went on a date with someone else half a heart- one direction bc bloodbag completes him 😔 theyre so disgusting 😔 only angel- harry styles "turns out she's a devil in between the sheets" woman- harry styles vampy when she was on a date with someone else bc hes a jealous moron temporary fix- one direction this has chappy 1-2 vibes a.m.-one direction when they first started falling in love and he wanted to be with her more often 😔 something great- one direction "i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i don't have to keep imagining" through the dark- one direction just all of this song 😔 happily- one direction "you know i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep i just want it to be you and i forever" 😔 electric love- borns "i can't let you go now that i got it" canyon moon- harry styles they're just happy like this rn 😔 sunflower vol. 6- harry styles "kiss in the kitchen like it's a dancefloor" "mouth full of toothpaste" when they brushed their teeth together 😔 adore you- harry styles obviously

[cajunquandary]

A Beacon to Beasts

A Beacon to Beasts

AO3 Link (in the works, check back later)

Summary: While Dean is in Purgatory, he comes across some interesting monsters who help him through.

Created for @spndarkbingo​

Square Filled: Fornication

Rating: R (18+ ONLY)

Pairing: Dean x Reader x Benny

Warnings: Dark Fic. Canon level violence, SMUT (p in v, biting, anal, oral, dp, unprotected sex *dont be silly wrap the willy,* all the smut, also I might be developing a praise!kink here??), angst, traumatic memories. If you squint: suicide, Destiel, Denny

Word Count: 7600

A/N: Originally published in early 2017, this is a total rewrite with the tremendous help of @thinkinghardhardlythinking​ and @wonder-cole​. You talented bitches. I love you.

Lightning spider-webbed across the sky, for a brief moment illuminating every shadow across Purgatory. The forest practically hissed in the unwelcome brightness as the trees whispered amongst themselves. A crack of thunder caused a quake larger than you’d felt in the god forsaken land ever before. It cracked the sound barrier, bent the hellscape reality at all of its slithering edges, and sent a shockwave so powerful it nearly tore apart every cell in your body. With an eerie silence, darkness fell again, and as your eyes adjusted, you could see that the beast attacking you was fleeing the other direction from whence it’d come—no, not fleeing. It was chasing the impact. 

Something pulled in your chest like a red-hot meat hook, something that sent sparks of electricity straight into your brain and signaling an overwhelming raw need. You were familiar with such will-crushing lust. Your fangs were proof. But this… this was stronger than anything you’d ever felt before. It nearly drove you mad. You could feel your mind slipping, until you took a step forward, then another, and another. The more you walked towards the source of the prior disturbance, the more sated you felt. The more whole. 

It took weeks of fighting others like you and endless backtracking to find the source—a vampire and another beast. It was a bit like a human, but no humans could be in Purgatory. Whatever it was, it was intoxicating. 

Your body shuddered at the proximity of the delicious flesh. The warmth. You were merely a moth, drawn to a flame of your own destruction. Your head swam and you reached towards the man, but another fang sped from the shadows opposite you first. This was just enough of a distraction to pull you back from the brink. 

You crouched behind a half-rotten tree, only one eye peeking from behind your cover. The human barely had time to react before the fiend had him forced into the well-trodden packed earth. His fall was hard. Your mouth watered as his pulse quickened and echoed through your soul. 

The vampire accompanying the human sent the attacker’s head flying so closely that spattered monster blood landed on your hand. The foul stench drove you deeper into the safety of the trunk. You didn’t want to be next. 

In this land, the best way to survive was to stay hidden, quiet, so you decided to follow them for the first few weeks, being careful to keep to the shadows. The thirst for the human ebbed and swelled unpredictably. At times, it was all you could do to resist the pulse exposed on his neck, especially when the man slept. 

For days you tried to figure out what the other one was, who he was, but damn, was he a monster magnet. You’d been in pretty thick shit before, but never like this. Your cover was nearly blown a few times a day, but you were thankful the two were too busy fighting their own to notice you.

“Damn, man. You’re humanity is gon get us kilt.” The vampire wiped the rancid blood from his blade on the latest dead monster’s shirt.

“Yeah well, as soon as we find Cas, we’re getting the hell out of hell.” A human in Purgatory? How? No wonder there had been such a disturbance. He must have been pulled here by a great force--one that very nearly ripped the entire existence apart. 

“Hey brother, I’m startin to think the angel don’t wanna be found. Dean, think about it. Every time we get close, he disappears again.”

“Benny—don’t.” The human stormed away from the vampire. What was going on? A human and an angel? Things must be getting really messy up top.

The vampire, Benny, turned suddenly in your direction, and you closed your eyes, hoping the thick layer of leaves and thorny bushes camouflaged you well enough. It must have, because he merely shrugged and walked after Dean.

This night was the quietest it had been since The Event. It had been hours since the last monster attack and you were almost as exhausted as they looked. It wasn’t long before the men settled down into the dust and a pile of dry brush and began to lightly snore. Usually one stood guard as the other slept, but on this occasion, both must have been too far gone to care. 

You crept slowly forward, focused completely on the human. He was so beautiful. The creases of his forehead were reduced to fine lines as he slumbered, slow, tender breath fluttering across weary-pale swollen lips, freckles and mud mixed on his cheeks, hair tousled and bloodied, yet still so soft and shiny. His lashes twitched as he dreamed. You were only a few feet away now, beginning to feel lost in the warmth radiating from him, drunk in the light from his soul.

A sharp pain through your side interrupted your trance and you collapsed into a prickly shrub. Between gulps of agony, you could just make out that you were pinned to the ground with a rough makeshift javelin, reminiscent of a butterfly pinned to a shadow box as you’d owned as a human. You screamed in pain, and if you weren’t already twice dead, you’d worry about losing too much blood.

A pair of boots came into your view. “I smelled you days ago. I know you’ve been followin’ us. Why haven’t you attacked? You workin for someone?”

You looked from under your brows, straining to see if Dean was still where he had been, but found nothing. All you could do was gasp shallowly against the burning splinters. It had been years since anyone had gotten the jump on you like this. The bit of human that was left within you prayed that this was a bad dream, that you would wake in a moment in the gently swaying safety of the treetops.

The javelin was ripped from your aching side, and you screamed again as your organs smacked back together in the loss of pressure. The vampire threw you against the nearest tree. Through the pain that overwhelmed your ability to flee, you watched in utter captivation as the human secured you with heavy, rusted chains.

The latter bent close to your face, piercing green eyes a stark contrast to the caked mud and blood spattered across pale cheeks. “Now look, you piece of shit. I’m gonna waste you like I’ve wasted every damn thing in this place. But first, you’re gonna tell me where the angel is, and why you’ve been following us. If I like your answer, I’ll make it quick. If not… well, I don’t normally like the answers.” He smirked, tilting his head just slightly as if he was considering just how he was going to end you. 

You gulped hard knowing the human meant business. You’d seen him firsthand, the violence, the rage. All this man left behind him were wide trails of blood.

You were shaking now, feverish and confused. When had your fangs come out? You retracted them in an attempt to look less intimidating and more cooperative. Between gritted teeth and a gradual tunneling of vision, you managed to respond. “I’ve been tracking you since you arrived. There was this storm, and I’ve felt a pull towards you the whole time. I-I don’t work for anyone, I swear.” His gnarly blade pressed into the soft flesh of your throat now and panic was rising  and threatening to close off your throat if the blade didn’t do it first. “I didn’t even know about the angel until earlier today when I overheard you.”

“Well. I don’t think I like your answer.” Dean sliced deeply into your arm, which produced a guttural scream from deep within your core. The blade itself didn’t hurt that bad, but whatever was on it sure did. Benny walked away, knowing what was coming. Benny was a monster—Dean was worse.

“P-please I don’t know, I just know the light—your soul is like a candle in this endless darkness. I’ve been here for so, so long and you feel like home, like safety. I crave your closeness and I don’t know the details of why, but I couldn’t hurt you.”

Benny looked over his shoulder as Dean paused. Something struck a chord. Benny walked back over and pulled Dean slightly off to the side, almost out of earshot.

“Brother, I think she’s tellin’ the truth. We should give this one a chance to talk.”

“Why? She doesn’t know anything about Cas. She’s just another monster in my way.”

“And so was I. We were both human once. Let’s hear her out. She hasn’t even fought back.”

The fatigue and injuries caught up with you. Focusing on the thick red-black ooze streaming from your wounds, sleep was finding you swiftly with your head falling forward, blood-soaked hair in your eyes and chest pulled tight against the restraints.

Dean lifted your chin with the end of his blade, remnants of your internals still glistening on the edge. Your eyes followed the length of his arm to his face where he held you in an unwavering gaze. Those eyes were greener than anything in this world—more than the trees you hid in, the brush around you, or the sparse grass beneath your feet. 

You seized your breath and relaxed your tense muscles. If this was finally what wiped you into oblivion, it would be okay, as long as you could stare into those eyes. After all, you were tired of fighting. Your mortal soul had been tired in life, grown wearier after you were turned, another century had passed before you’d been sent here after a hunter took you out. The memory flashed by: how you sat there on your knees, glad to be facing the barrel of the gun after so long that you didn’t even fight. Had you known you’d end up here, you may have fought more to stay topside. But now, you faced oblivion, or so you hoped. This would finally be the end of the suffering, the fighting.

Dean must have read the all-too-familiar look of defeat and acceptance in your face. He lowered the knife, letting your head fall forward again, and caught you in his arms as the chains broke and clattered to the dust.

He leaned you against the base of the tree. You weakly gazed upward through hooded eyes, wanting to see past the leaves to the empty sky, but couldn’t. It was all grisly branches for a hundred feet up.

“Why were you creeping up on me?” Dean pulled your attention back to them.

Battling the unconsciousness that nipped unwaveringly at the corners of your mind, you whispered, “The ache in my chest… the closer I get to you, the easier it is to handle. I wasn’t going to hurt you, I just needed to be... closer.”

“And is this better?” He motioned to the foot’s distance between you.

“Yeah,” You half-smiled through gritted teeth, the pain from your side still throbbing. It wouldn’t kill you. Nothing in Purgatory killed a monster except another monster—usually by beheading. It still hurt like a bitch, though, and left you exposed and vulnerable like a wounded animal.

He pursed his lips and shared a look with Benny, who shrugged. “I’ll stay up and watch, Dean. You get more rest before it starts again. And I’ll watch you, specifically.” The other vampire motioned at you, an intensity behind his blue eyes you could identify with. This human was meant to be protected, no matter the personal cost.

Dean was soon asleep again, his back turned to you.

The earth supporting your broken form was anything but forgiving. But still, you weren’t going to waste time whimpering to yourself now that you were a part of the misfit group. “Benny, where are you from? How long have you been here?” You wondered aloud.

He eyed you suspiciously, pausing before he answered. “I ran with a crew out of Louisiana, but we sailed all over the Americas. Been here a long time.”

You adjusted your position with a grunt. Benny’s hand was already on his weapon. “Calm down, sailor, just tryin to get comfortable... I’m from Shreveport. Been here a long time, too. Only did about two centuries up top, though.”

“Well, I’ve got a few on you then, sister. Shreveport was nice. Rolled through there a few times.” The vampire chuckled at the memory.

Even still, your body had different plans for the evening, and if anything else was said afterwards, you wouldn’t remember. Rest was in the cards that evening, even if your mind protested. Between stretches of sweet nothing, nightmarish memories flashed by in haphazard, non-chronological snippets. 

There you stood, on the bridge above deep, twisting waters. Though the wind whipped your hair wildly, you could feel nothing. Not since the day you were bit.

Then you were in the shed on your grandfather’s land, centuries before, when you were young but still so old. Had you ever had a chance? And there were fires and anthills, guns and chains. 

Before that one could go where you knew it would, you shot awake. Benny raised a concerned brow in your direction, but you couldn’t face him. Not after that. Within moments, sleep took you once again. 

The butterfly pinned in the box. Such a stark contrast was that orange and red and blue against the green felt and the glint of silver pins. You would chuckle at the sight if you could. Tiny fingers traced the outline of the glass. 

Then you were on your knees. You didn’t even fight. This? This was the day you died… the second time. By the hands of an inexperienced young hunter who was too focused on fighting with his dad to even notice you there. I mean, he practically tripped over you. The boy looked tall for his age, hazel eyes partially obscured by choppy bangs and mouth pressed into a thin line. He hesitated too long. You’d cocked your head to the side, wondering if he even had it in him to off you, and you almost felt sorry for the kid. Especially when his dad saw. The old black-haired ass berated him, belittled him. Compared him to his older brother. A disgrace, he’d said. Nothing like him, nothing like Mary. When the boy could look you in the eyes, you gave a slight nod as if to say, “It’s okay, I forgive you.” Those bright hazel eyes morphed into the moon cast over a monster wasteland. 

By morning’s light, you felt better, somewhat healed, but mostly sore. You and Benny spoke all the while, learned your ins and outs, and caught up on the situation with Dean, the toothy leviathans, the apocalypse (again), the dick angels, and everything else Dean had filled him in on weeks ago. If you weren’t in Purgatory yourself, you never would’ve believed all this. I mean, angels? C’mon. 

Sure enough, Benny was right. Beasts continued to attack in waves. There were a few close calls, and not one would speak of the whereabouts of the angel Castiel, though a few tried to save themselves by spouting lies. Dean would see right through them. It only ever took one question. “What color are the angel’s eyes?” A few had gotten lucky and guessed blue, but Dean didn’t even accept that answer. You asked once, what answer he was hoping for. He only shook his head in response. 

There were times, though, when he would describe Cas to you in the quiet of night, and it was like listening to a lost lover. Dean gave in after some months and described the angel’s eyes as full of grace, blue, but slightly glowing. And not just any blue, no. The bluest blue you could ever imagine. The purest blue. He spoke longingly about things they’d done, things he wanted to do, wanted to say. Needed to say. You would close your eyes and drift off to him mumbling stories of Cas, the fondness softening his voice.

It was dark again and the almost empty end of a particularly difficult day. You’d all sustained serious injuries from the violent fray that only seemed to become more dense as of late. You and Benny would heal quickly, but Dean wouldn’t… and you worried for him, lingering protectively close.

The weary hunter screamed in time with the monster as he thrust his knife through its eye, his voice echoing long after the lifeless body crumpled in front of him. In a rage, he threw his weapon down, stalking over to a nearby tree. He punched, kicked and threw himself against the bark until he was nearly bloodied beyond recognition. Benny could only look down, powerless to help his friend. Unable to watch any longer, you forced yourself between Dean and the tree. His eyes were closed until his bruised fists struck soft skin stretched over bone, the unexpected change in texture catching him off guard. You winced against it but grabbed his jacket in both hands, balling your own fists into it to hold him firmly in place. Jerking him forward until you were nose to nose, breath and blood mixing, you growled, “We will find him, Dean. But not if you kill yourself first.”

“Y-you sound like him,” His voice cracked and his head fell to your shoulder. You could feel his tears, hot on your frozen skin. This world was so cold and it never ceased to amaze you how he kept his warmth. You held him tightly, even as his knees buckled and swayed. By the state of those green eyes, you could see resignation and defeat creeping up on him. 

You shared a look with Benny, and he knew, too. “I’ll keep watch. You make him rest, cher.” You’d come to learn that Benny preferred to keep watch from all the years he’d had to watch his own backside here. You’d survived in hiding, while he’d made a name for himself—a killer, like Dean (not that either of them ever wanted to be.) You had to give it to him, though. After all, you’d tried to fight off everything in the beginning, but it was too tiring, like living was. So instead, you learned to thrive in shadows and whispers, moving like a ghost through whispers of the trees.

You were grateful for the moment alone with the warm beacon of a man, though. If the electricity across your skin anytime you touched the human indicated anything, it was a confirmation of your heart’s longing. You kept him pulled flush against your chest, his heartbeat so strong that it reverberated through your body. You focused on the feeling. How many centuries had it been since you felt your own beating? Dean’s was so strong it could surely support you both, you thought.

With a groan, Dean pulled the two of you down into a horizontal heap. You couldn’t make out the details of his face in the dark abyss of night, but his heart rate had shifted notably, along with his breathing. His anguish was palpable and you couldn’t help but to take some of it on as your own. He exuded it, it leaked from every pore. 

Supple lips brushed against yours, and you closed your eyes, slowly guiding one hand to his back above you and the other through his hair. It was as soft and silky as you’d hoped it was. You pulled just slightly, allowing your nails to gently spread and retract in circular motions. Dean clenched, the softest sounds carrying on the thick night air. Smiling at the reaction, you carded through the messy spikes and repeated the measure for several moments before Dean crashed into you, with his sudden need matching yours. Every kiss grew deeper, longer, and your tongues began to wrestle gently but urgently between locked lips. He grabbed at you hungrily with a certain ease, unable to hold back anymore, with palms stroking openly up and down your torso, until they slipped below your core.

You both pushed and pulled, wallowed and rolled, careful of injuries but powerless to pull away, fighting to get closer. You helped him slip from his leather jacket, and he groaned into your mouth with a tantalising mixture of pain and pleasure. The sound made you shiver, and you hastily removed yourselves from worn and tattered pants, breaking only for a moment. 

“Shh, Dean,” you whispered next to his ear. He nodded, understanding that even in this embrace, you were exposed and hunted. But with skin on skin, it was difficult to keep logic and sanity at the forefront of your mind. 

Dean slowed his pace and shifted until you were straddling him. With a touch so light it tickled, he let his hands trace every angle of your body, until he felt the latest wound and drew back suddenly. 

“It’s okay,”  you breathed into his gaping mouth. 

“No, I-- I’m sorry.” His voice was feeble, desperate. 

Taking his hand in yours, you placed it back where it’d been. It was a small gesture, but the effect it had on Dean was profound. With both hands now, he clutched your sides so tightly, it sent swells of something delicious straight to your center, before rippling out to every nerve ending exposed to the cool air, and then some. 

Just as you began to give in, a rustle from only several feet away snapped you back to reality. You shot up upon bare feet, weapon already in your hand as you scanned the malevolent shadows for the source, listening and feeling for any shift in the air. Dean lay frozen by your feet, head still spinning in weakness and lust.

In a swift turn on the balls of your feet, you faced the intruder, ready for war. 

“It’s just me, cher. I heard something and wanted to make sure you two were okay.” As Benny took in the situation, he laughed softly. “Sorry to interrupt. I’ll be over there…”

With an annoyed frown, you allowed your stance to go slack. “Thanks.”

Dean touched your leg, leaning in to kiss it lightly before planting a little nibble at your ankle. You slipped back down next to him, gasping when he quickly found your neck and nipped along your clavicle to the sweet spot in the hollow of your neck.

He was shaking slightly under the strain, but lifted himself atop you. To help keep him steady, you placed your hands on his shoulders and wrapped your legs around his torso. With a grateful kiss, he traced his tongue across your bottom lips as he lined himself at your entrance. 

His tip sank into your soaked folds and his resulting keen made you tremble beneath him, itching for more. “Dean, p-please…”

“What do you want?”

You rotated your hips against his, fighting to make him move. “Please, fuck… Dean I need you. Need more.”

Your begging tore his resolve to shreds and he sunk into you, stretching and filling you like nothing ever before. Your back arched at the sensations as they nearly overwhelmed you, drowning out the hell around you and leaving only Dean. Your heavy breathing barely registered as you whined his name. A shallow shriek betrayed you. Dean placed a calloused hand over your mouth, and it only drove you more mad. 

As he bottomed out and began short but powerful thrusts, tears gathered at the edges of your eyes. Everytime, he hit that sweet spot. Everytime, you whimpered into his hand and dug your fingers into his flesh tighter. Everytime, he moaned in response. 

It wasn’t long before those slow, drawn out jolts coiled you so tight you could barely contain yourself. Dean could sense the change as you began to rub against him, allowing the friction to take you over the edge. Right as you fell off into a fierce and roiling sea of ecstasy, Dean replaced his hand over your mouth with his own, swallowing your choppy breaths as you twitched and spasmed beneath him. 

Still lost in the swell, you felt the hunter release and fall, spent, onto your chest. You managed to wrap your arms around him and held him steadfastly, not ready to let go. It was incredible to watch Dean unravel and relax for the first time. In fact, it’d just become your favorite drug. 

Unknown to the broken lovers, a pair of “gorilla-wolves” attempted to interrupt throughout the steamy romp in the leaves, but Benny quickly took care of them. The nasty things wouldn’t have gotten as close as they had, but the vampire had been distracted by the sinfully delicious sounds coming from the far side of the tree. He’d tried to ignore it at first but found his mind wandering. It’d been ages since he’d felt the touch of another being, and the want rose up in him, a fire in his stomach.

You panted next to Dean when he rolled to the side, your injuries far from mind in the lasting rapture from being one with the human. His breathing was still ragged, but slowing. The wound on the back of his shoulder had reopened. Begrudgingly , he let you patch it again. Once dressed, you fell back to the sorry bed of leaves. Dean nuzzled into your side and let out a pained sigh as sleep found him. You could’ve sworn you heard the faintest “Don’t let me die here…” fall from his lips. Your grip on him tightened. You’d get him out if it killed you. But first, you had to find that elusive angel.

It was another month of the same routine. Days and nights ran together. The closer you got to the angel, the denser the swarm of monsters was. Even Benny seemed to be on his last leg. You offered to keep watch this time. At first Benny protested, but you shut him down.

“It’s broad daylight out here. I can see them coming from far enough off, I can give you plenty of time to wake up and fight if I can’t handle it. Don’t worry.”

He didn’t feel like protesting too much, and finally nodded, sad blue eyes locking on yours in a silent promise of trust in comradery.

A few hours passed, and you stood to stretch. A twig snapped behind you, and you twirled quickly, your knife to Benny’s throat. His hands raised. “Sorry cher, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Nearly lost your fool head. Why aren’t you resting?” You dropped your arms and stood next to the vampire, staring out through the forest again, scanning. Listening.

“I rested enough.”

“Right, that’s why you have to use that tree to support yourself.” His lips pressed into a hard smile, electric eyes dropping to the ground. When he looked back up, something in them had changed. He reached towards you, hesitant, and brushed the wavy mess of hair from your face behind your ear, hand gently gliding across your jaw until his thumb rested on your lip.

You closed your eyes and shuddered under the vampire’s touch. It was more familiar than Dean’s. You leaned into it, following as it guided you into his embrace. He was larger than Dean and still smelled of the swamp and sea. The scent was intoxicating, dragging all of your attention to Benny. 

He pulled back for a moment and cradled your face in the large, thick hands of a sailor. “You okay with this? Don’t want you to feel pressured, darlin’.”

“Mm not pressured,” you smiled up into those spirited sharp blue eyes. You lost yourself in them, completely ensnared. You could see past them, to cerulean glittering waters, could feel the lapping of them against your old boat, hear the seagulls and crows chattering as they glided on heatwaves, taste the salt on your tongue. 

You stretched up on your tiptoes, craning to taste the salt on his lips, feel the waves in the way his tongue twists. Benny must have felt the same, as he met your parted lips in a feverish kiss, maneuvering you effortlessly between himself and the tree for support until he was rutting into you.

The touch was bittersweet and starved, driving both of you as you stripped away layers. Benny pressed into you until the bark bit into your back and arms. You knocked the hat from atop his head to get closer, to guide him in, and he responded by taking the thin flesh of your neck into his mouth. Fangs drug thin scratch lines over your chest and shoulders, followed by sucking kisses. Benny grunted as he settled next to your ear, the growing bulge in his remaining trousers becoming almost painful in the restriction. 

Sensing this, you moved to loosen the last piece of his clothing until it slumped to his ankles, all the while raw, needy noises spilled from your mouth. If only you’d found each other topside, things would have been better. You wouldn’t have let that young, long-haired hunter boy and his grumpy father kill you.

In one smooth move, Benny hooked his fingers into your jeans and slid them off, until you were completely free of them. With lust in your eyes, you found his full lips once more. You bit and sucked at his bottom lip until he was throbbing against you and whispering your name in short breaths in desperation. 

With a slight adjustment in position, he grabbed your ribcage and lifted you just enough to line himself at your entrance. Hungrily, you raised your knees and rested them on his sides. You dug your nails into his shoulders in anticipation, but he didn’t keep you waiting long. With a final shift of his angle, Benny slid into you unrestrained.

His pace was unforgiving. He was rougher, more desperate, yet somehow more controlled than Dean. Pain was something you both knew too well, and found pleasure in at this moment. Neither of you had to hold back in fear of hurting the other. 

Benny muttered a long string of praises as he placed his cheek on yours and relished in the fragmented breaths and mewls leaking from your gaping mouth.

Between the friction to your front and the sharp ache in your back, the intense set of his pace brought unwanted tears to the corners of your eyes. Before you knew it, he had you biting back a scream as you came in his arms, your back digging into the tree as he held you through it. You sank your teeth into his neck, drawing blood and pushing back the sharper set as they threatened to emerge. He snarled into your ear and released, standing for a moment, relishing in your closeness.

For a time, you just remained in that position as he softened inside you, foreheads resting fondly on each other.

Dean stirred, grumbling as he woke. With a silently shared promise to continue the embrace another day, the two of you straightened yourselves back out and rounded the tree to greet the sleep-starved human.

Over the next two weeks, the three of you grew much closer. Sometimes in between attacks, you took solace in each other. Most times it was talk, but when words were too difficult and your bodies needed to feel something… else, something primal and good and pure, they would pass you between them, never straying too far.

Benny's eyes would always drift and land upon Deans. It intoxicated him, pulled at his heart in ways that tore him apart. Deep green eyes, full of hope and goodness and humanity… something fragile yet unbreakable, much like what he once saw in Andrea’s. Just like Andrea’s. As much as he tried to put her memory to rest, Dean’s gaze would always take his breath, whether they were fighting or fucking, and the feelings that washed over Benny were wild and raw.

You ventured off to scout ahead one day, leaving Benny to help Dean walk after a surprise run in with a gorilla wolf didn’t fare so well. Those things sure liked Dean. Could you blame them? As you cleared the spaces ahead, you reminisced on the first time it happened. 

It’d started innocently enough, some kissing and tender touches traded between you and Dean. You craved comfort, and his touch never disappointed. The fading daylight illuminated something… different, something new in his eyes. There was a spark of acceptance? Resignation? You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but for some reason the usually tightly wound hunter was relaxed. His movements were delicate and slow, a stark contrast to the usual quickie on the run. 

You nearly lost your balance when he stripped your pants away and traced deliberate sucking kisses down to your sweet spot. You’d had to catch yourself from falling over at the heady sensations, threading your hands into his hair and holding on for dear life (or death.) Within moments, Benny swooped in to support you from behind, snaking a strong arm around your stomach as Dean began to lick and hum and stroke you in ways you’d never felt. Your blood burned like fire, causing every inch of your skin to become more sensitive. 

Benny brushed the hair from your shoulder with his free hand, then took a fistful of it and guided your head back. With a contented sigh, he took your exposed neck into his mouth and you twitched violently between the shivers running down and the heat rising up. The contrast of Dean’s soft lips to the burn of his stubble mirrored that of the rough, blood soaked fabric of Benny’s jacket against the smooth of your skin… and it drove you mad. Your vision swelled with every wave and the sounds of the cursed world around you faded as if cotton had been shoved in your ears. 

Your legs gave way and you fell into Dean’s lap as he chuckled, watching you come undone. The orgasm hit you somewhere along the way down, untouched but wound so tightly that you couldn’t hold out another moment.

While you writhed against him, Dean held you securely to his chest with arms that crushed into your ribs and pinned your arms to your sides. Your head finally came to rest upon his shoulder, and as your senses eased back into focus, you realized that you were completely laid down upon his bare chest. Still buzzing from the high, you nuzzled into the crook of his neck and laid a small peck. Dean’s resulting smile stretched wide, and you could feel it there without even needing to see it. 

“You okay, baby?” Dean gently stroked your back up and down with one hand, and moved to tangle strong fingers in your hair to hold the base of your head tenderly with the other. 

When you found your voice, you muttered a small, “yeah, thank you.”

Benny kneeled beside you and lowered his face until your foreheads met, the three of you so impossibly close. “You up for some more, sugar?”

You smiled wryly and closed your eyes. “Yeah, I’m all yours.”

Though your limbs were but heavy gelatin, you managed to lift out of your shirt as the men undressed. Pulling Dean’s discarded coat over you like a blanket, you rested against a fallen tree and admired them. Dean was more slender, but faster and stronger. The way his muscles rippled and creased beneath pale, freckled skin reminded you of a swimmer--all lean and mean. He was graceful in every movement, like a dancer. Benny was a little more solid, built like a tank. Maybe he wasn’t as fast, but there was no going through him. You’d seen beasts hit him straight on with full power, and the vampire had barely flinched. Those fists could break anything, but his face was always… soft. Kind. Dean’s was hardened, but you couldn’t blame him. And yes, there were moments, like this, where the lines of his face smoothed, and some color returned to his cheeks. 

How you’d ever found Heaven in this Hell, you’d never come to understand. But you were ever grateful. Hopeful for a future with them topside, however it may go. 

Dean’s outstretched hand pulled you from your daydream. You took it, letting the jacket go as he helped you stand. As you stood, he continued to pull you forward until you were flush with him. He pressed a firm kiss to your scalp and rubbed his palms up and down your body. His cock twitched against your belly, and you wrapped your arms around him, squeezing just a little tighter at the new flood of arousal. 

Benny snaked his arms around you from behind, until his hands rested on your neck, not gripping, but just *there.* The weight of them naturally guided your head to fall back against his chest. He growled into your ear, “You’re so fucking beautiful. So good for us, cher.”

Your mouth fell agape and released a strangled moan as Dean kissed along your exposed neck and mumbled a steady stream of “You’re such a good girl for us, such a good fighter, a great companion.” 

With every word, a new fire raged through your veins. Your face burned hot. Dean’s hands wandered south, caressing every inch passionately. One hand found its home grasping your thigh right under your ass, and the other came to rest in your dripping folds. You bucked against the touch and right into Benny’s length resting between your cheeks. 

You whimpered, needing more, needing release. “D-Dean please, fuck. I need you. I want you inside me, please--unnghh.”

Dean teased your entrance for a moment more before the wrecked look on your face and the subtle, high pitched sounds spilling from you completely enraptured him. Benny nodded, moving his hands to steady your sides as you squirmed uncontrollably. With a swift movement, you were raised up with both of Dean’s hands cupping and spreading your ass until he lined up at your folds and let you sink down much too slowly. 

Pathetic cries filled the air as you struggled to maintain control, the stretch of him almost too much to handle and not nearly enough all at once. You shook and grabbed at anything you could hold with a flutter in your chest that threatened to make you implode. And yet, the intense feelings only grew. Benny planted himself and anchored with a strong arm outstretched and clutching to Dean’s shoulder. 

Dean bit his lip fiercely and let out a pained groan at the other man’s unyielding hold on him. His cock twitched again as he bottomed out deep inside you. The depth burned and ached, and with it your eyes came to focus on Dean’s. 

The emerald green was more prominent now, outlined by the hot blush beneath a spray of freckles. His brows were drawn tightly and jaw slack, full, pink lips parted in bliss. His breathing was erratic, and with every intake of cool evening air, Dean trembled. 

You mewled and whined, shifted against them, desperate for friction. The slightest broken smile graced the hunter’s face and he nodded, knowing but not yet ready. 

Tears already began to gather as you fought the urge to physically fight the men into submission, to finally scratch that itch. Benny didn’t leave you waiting much longer though, before he was slipping and pushing into place in your ass. The deliberate burn of him spreading you open opposite Dean left you thrashing between them. 

Dean took a deep breath in as a reminder for you to do the same. If it weren’t for him grounding you and helping you through, the black void would’ve already sucked you in as another victim. You did your best to relax and bore down, allowing Benny to fill your other hole completely to his base. 

The vampire grimaced through his own keening, the tightness of you nearly sending him over the edge right there and then. You stilled between them, already on the verge of destruction as the three of you adjusted to the new feelings washing over you in waves. 

Dean’s lips found yours, open and wanting. Taking his tongue hungrily into your mouth, you sucked and fell absolutely limp as he sucked your lower lip between his. The scent of him was utterly intoxicating, and you were ready once more. 

Benny began to move in tandem with Dean. With every movement of the both of them against your thin membrane, a wailing cry seeped between your clenched teeth. Benny was now clutching both of Dean’s shoulders so tightly that were white bloodless patches beneath each of his fingertips. This made Dean buck harder until the hunter’s eyes shut tightly and left his head bobbing backwards in lust. 

The symphony of your cries was lost beneath those of the two men, who shuddered and swayed. The sweet, sinful music flooded your mind and sent you reeling over the edge once more, clenching and swearing and falling against Benny’s outstretched arm. 

Dean’s thrusts faltered as his stuttered, “I’m.. I’m about to--”

“Just let go, brother,” Benny encouraged. 

It was the only confirmation Dean needed before his load spilled into you, sending renewed longing to your stomach as he pulsed inside you. “Fuck Dean,.. You feel so good,” you managed.

Benny came seconds later, and you relished in the full warmth of them. 

You smiled to yourself as the familiar electricity flooded your veins and leaked to your core. It may have been the first time, but every time since had only been… better. Impossibly, incredibly better. 

Upon your return, you noticed that Dean had found new strength.

“We’re closer than ever to Cas, he’s three days away by the river. We’re almost done! We can go home!” Dean was grinning widely, a spark finally back in his tired eyes.

You smiled, scooping him into a rough embrace. If Dean was happy, you were happy. Benny joined you in the bear hug. You were so ready to be topside again, and now, it was so close you could just taste it.

Your second chance.

With a start, Benny hollered and let go, leaving Dean tense and alert in your arms. Then, he threw you to the side as a beast attacked. Its whole face morphed into a shark-tooth ringed mouth, and you grimaced.

Leviathan. You must’ve been really close to that angel.

You drew your weapon as one engaged you, swung and lopped its head off easily after years of practice, until something glinting and sharp emerged where it should not have been.

You looked down, the blade bloodied and protruding through your chest, through your lungs. Unable to draw a breath, you fell to your knees.

“No!” Both Benny and Dean were yelling, voices echoing through the hostile forest. Black ooze covered them from the slain monsters. You looked up as your assailant withdrew the sizable knife from your back and placed it against your neck. It was another vampire. You looked back to the boys.

“You killed our sister, so now we’re gonna kill yours,” the voice behind you teased in a sing-songy tone. More boots shuffled into your line of view.

Benny looked absolutely broken as he charged, extra teeth bared sharply in defiance. Dean bounded to you, holding your gaze with those emerald green eyes as he expertly dodged the advances of his adversaries.

Once again, your breath was seized and you relaxed your tense muscles. If this was finally what wiped you into oblivion, it would be okay, as long as you could stare into the comforting depths of that hunter’s eyes. After all, you were tired of fighting…This would finally be the end of the suffering. To oblivion. The warmth from Dean’s soul flooded over you as he got closer, but it was too late.

Your head rolled from your body. 

Dean decimated the group of vampires in record time, the rage fully restored and urging his body forward against all odds. Once again, the hunter had become more vicious than any monster in the land. In two days, he would limp to the river and find his angel.

You, however, woke on the other side of Purgatory. Oblivion was not something that would ever come for you. There would never be a release. Despair, overcoming any hope you ever had, creeped its dark tendrils through your entire being and swiped your feet from underneath you. So that’s what happens to monsters who die in monster heaven… they get respawned and zapped to another part. Great. You were stuck in hell, too far away now to reach them in time. One day you would find a way out. You had to. But first, you would have to find the strength. Strength you may never have again. You curled into a ball, mind silent as you gave into the feeling, a single, small tear streaking a thin line from your eye into the dust. 

You were alone. Again. 

Your second chance gone along with the human and his friends.

 This was my second attempt at writing smut and maybe I got carried away??

WAYWARD PEEPS:

@carryonmywaywardcaptain​ @manawhaat @supernatural-jackles​ @jensen-jarpad @wheresthekillswitch​ @bummblebeeblue @nothin-after-79-blog​ @docharleythegeekqueen @fangirl-writing-fiction @inmysparetime0​ @impala-dreamer​ @arryn-nyxx​ @idk-life01 @attorneyl​ @deathtonormalcy56​ @xwing-baby​ @wonder-cole​ @itsangelpie-supports​ @thinkinghardhardlythinkingogblog​@icecream-and-gadreel

ANGST BABES:

@trexrambling​ @abbessolute @emptywithout​

ALL ABOUT THAT DEAN:

@akshi8278​ @will-winchester

[modern-vellichor]

Grief, is a Beautiful Thing

Stage One; Denial

Warnings: Grief!! Mentions of death, suicide. Loss of a major character. Battles with depression, silent tears, heart and gut wrenching sadness, indirect and very minor smut just to keep you on your toes.

Prologue || Series Masterlist

Denial; refusal to acknowledge an unacceptable truth or emotion or to admit it into consciousness, used as a defense mechanism.

You acted fine, you smiled and went along like nothing happened, like Steve would just walk around the corner and kiss your forehead, just like old times.

You took his place at the head of the table for a while, hell, you took over the whole compound. You were planning missions, doing research, organising accommodation and transport, planning classic Stark celebration parties.

Bucky saw through your act, of course he did. Sam did too, they were your best friends after all.

Your room was directly on top of Bucky's, down the hall from Sam's. When they walked by your door late at night, sometimes they would hear sniffling, little secret whimpers and whines. They never said anything.

You threw yourself into not only your work, but replacing your family. You treated Peter like a younger brother, and Morgan like she was your own. Bucky and Sam would watch as you played with Morgan, helping her with homework, checking on Pepper.

Eventually, the whimpers morphed into hushed whispers.

You spoke to the moon.

Bucky could remember Steve telling him that one morning. Every night you turned to the moon and whispered a little 'goodnight', and if you were angry, or sad, you would beg her to take your problems away.

"He's gonna come back, I know he is", Bucky had his ear pressed against your door. "He's a good man, he wouldn't just leave us like that, not me, especially not Bucky"

He smiled, it was sad and small and it didn't reach his eyes.

Nightly you would talk to her, the lady in the sky, glowing bright and bringing you peace. There she was, all the time, never leaving you. You started to go numb, your body shutting down, your brain struggling to cope. You fell. And Bucky was there to catch you.

Barnes was away on a mission, on that you had organised, you completely forgot. You were lost in a state of doubt and self pity you didn't even hear your door click open. You didn't register the light spilling into your room from the hallway, or the thud of thick combat boots being chucked onto the floor. You didn't flinch when the mattress dipped next to you, only did your eyelids flutter when a cool, metal arm was thrown over your waist.

"Hey, Buck", you sighed, eyes closed.

"What's wrong?"

What's Wrong. He asked that at least once a day. Once a day he asked a question who's answer was so blatantly obvious, but you never told the truth.

Never once did you utter, 'the love of my life left me for another woman, or, 'l lost my mentor and father figure because I wasn't smart enough, not even, 'my best friend sacrificed herself to save me and half the fucking planet'.

No, you always just smiled, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, his back, his arm -never his hand- and whispering, "Nothing, Buck, I'm fine"

He never argued either, just smiling back, pain and sad, but a smile nonetheless. He never pressed further, he never asked if you needed help, he was just there. He was a failsafe, he was always there, just in case you needed him. Right now, you did, but you were in Denial.

So he pulled you closer to himself, wrapping the duvet around the both of you. His breath fanned over the bare skin of your shoulder, his fingers traced absentminded circles on the soft flesh of your hip, his eyes fluttered closed and his heart rate slowed. You waited for a while, feeling him. Feeling his steady breath and his loose grip and his slow heartbeat, just like you used to with Steve.

He was so much like Steve, in so many ways, but at the same time he was do wildly different. You thought it was beautiful, poetic. How America's Golden Boy, the model citizen, the good guy, protagonist, could be best friends with James Barnes, an army vet who couldn't give two shits even if he tried. You thought it was funny, you idolised their friendship.

"I'm sorry he left you", you whispered, voice cracking as you let the veil slip.

Tears rolled steadily down the side of your face, over the bridge of your nose, pooling on your pillow. You wrapped your fingers around his wrist, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Bucky didn't hear you, didn't feel you, he was fast asleep, somewhere far away, with Steve, happy, you hope.

"I could have stopped him. I know "I could have stopped him. I know I could have, its okay, 'll get him back", you promised your sleeping friend.

With the denial and the numbness, and the constant work, came the forgetfulness.

You were in shock, it was normal. It was always small, forgetting your keys, or to eat breakfast, but it still made Bucky worry. You were coming apart at the seams, spilling guts and your shattered heart onto the floor by his feet, and he had to pick you up, and sew you back together. You just wouldn't let him.

Often, too often, he would catch you doing something you and Steve used to do together.

You would be reading a book, mind far away, and your spare hand would reach out for him. The look on your face was pain and regret and anger all in one, tears pricking your eyes as you recoiled your now balled up fist.

On the jet, you would reach out for reassurance, before and after a mission, and he would be gone.

You reached out for him, his wife frame squashed into the seat next to yours. You lifted your chin to admire him, in all his blood and mud caked glory, you smiled, eyes bright and glistening, cheeks blushing as he kissed the tip of your nose.

One of your hands reached down and interlaced fingers with his, your other wrapped itself around his arm. You leaned down, bead going slack against his shoulder. He let out a breathy laugh, a lovely laugh that ignited a fire in your belly. He ran a hand over your hair, brushing dried dirt and coppery blood from your cheek.

"You did so well, baby", he whispered. "You're incredible, you know that", his words were mumbled into your hair between kisses. You giggled, you learned from the best, and you made sure he knew it.

Your hand was tucked into your chest, the image of Steve in the seat next to yours all too fresh in your mind. The jet landed with a soft thud, and you ran through the compound to your room, not even bothering to grab your bag on the way in.

Bucky spent hours trying to coax you out of your room, listening to the soft sniffles and quiet sobs.

"Y/N, doll", he begged, pleaded, "please, let me in"

He was delighted to hear the soft bad of bare feet and the clicking of your lock. He shoved his way into your room, assertive and gentle, wrapping you in a hug and kicking the door shut behind him.

It was moments like these that brought tears to your eyes. It was the domesticity of it all, the soft touched, the way he drew circles on your lower back, ran a hand through your hair. It was the way he held you until you slept, whispering sweet reassurance into your hair, soft kisses to your forehead as you wept.

The next morning you called him into your office, Sam making a joke as he walked away.

"I have a mission for you, Barnes"

"Yes, ma'am", he responded, jokingly.

"Surveillance in Budapest, drug lord, Lloyd Montgomery", you stated. You never were good at briefings, not like Steve. "two weeks stay, you're leaving tomorrow morning."

He chuckled at your expression, brows furrowed, lips pulled into a frown. "Who am I bringing? Sam?"

"No, me"

The motel room was damp and dingy, mould grew in the corners of the ceiling, the mattresses were lumpy, the curtains damp.

You rolled over uncomfortably, chasing the sweet relief of sleep that wouldn't come. Day three had trickled by ever so slowly, you should've sent Sam on this one.

You rolled over, maybe Bucky was awake. You were met by a pair of startlingly blue eyes and a mischievous grin.

"Hello, doll", he smiled.

"morning, sergeant"

"What do you want?"

You stopped, thinking for a moment. You sat up against the headboard, Bucky switching on a light and mimicking your actions.

"A story", you finally whispered, smiling. You loved Bucky's stories, tales from before the war. Adventures, memories, stories of hard liquor and pretty girls and sometimes both.

"about what, doll?"

"A girl", you loved Bucky, he was always so soft when it came to his women. He described them like the finest piece of artwork he had ever seen, like they were an otherworldly being not worthy of his touch, like he was blessed just to be acknowledged by them.

"Her name was Rosalind"

You smiled, "Pretty name, who was she?"

"My first real crush. She was a waitress at the cafe my Ma took us to on a Sunday. I used to sneak in there after school just to catch a glimpse of her", he smiled, reminiscing.

You and Bucky both loved how vivid his memory could be sometimes, even after the brainwashing. He could describe some of his core memories like they were yesterday, others were a little fuzzy.

"She was gorgeous, most beautiful broad in Brooklyn. She had this red hair, real curly, stopped just below her shoulders. Real pale skin, too, freckles everywhere, and I mean everywhere"

You laughed at the little comment, waiting for him to continue.

"She wore these real thick glasses, right on the tip of her nose, she had the thickest Brooklyn accent I've ever heard, too. And these gorgeous brown eyes, they looked like they were just holes, like never ending or something, portals, I dont know", you laughed again, this time he joined you.

"Anyway, one day she caught me staring, wrote her address on my napkin. I showed up at her door that evening, told Ma I was staying with Steve. She had this birthmark, on her back. It started at the apex of her thigh and ended just above her hip, she called me Buckaroo when she said goodnight. Gave me a kiss, right on the tip of my nose and said, "See you tomorrow, Buckaroo""

You smiled, a pang of jealousy settling in your stomach, but you brushed it off. "She sounds real pretty, Buck"

"Oh she was, nice too, polite and friendly, real smart, kinda like you", you blushed at the compliment.

Bucky said a quick goodnight, turning off the light and falling asleep, you following after.

The lights were low. Music hummed softly, a hand wrapped in yours. Your eyes trailed up the arm, to find Bucky at the end of it, smiling down at you. He placed a quick kiss on your lips, "c'mon, pup"

He pulled you through the crowd, away from the party, a dress danced around your heel clad ankles as you jogged to keep up with him. He pulled you into an elevator, sporting that signature mischievous grin of his.

Next thing you know you were tangled under the sheets, Bucky on top of you placing soft kisses down your neck, sucking softly on your pulse spot.

"You're so beautiful, doll", he hummed, "so, so beautiful, all for me"

A thin layer of sweat was forming on your skin, Bucky still covering you with sweet kisses as one hand tangled in your hair, the other working it's way between your legs.

Your name fell off his lips like a mantra, a litany, a prayer for redemption, "Y/N, Y/N", over and over again like it was addictive.

"Y/N", Bucky shook you awake, you had broken out in a cold sweat. He wrapped his arms around your shaking frame, "Its okay, doll, it was just a dream. You're alright, I'm right here, doll, right here".

[happytsukki]

me, you, and us.

t. kuroo

genre: angst

wc: 1.5k

a/n: i’ve had writer’s block for a few days and i was about to just stick to reading bc i can’t write to save my life. was genuinely about to give up and just finish my smau LOL but here’s my attempt to keep going ;-; should i write a pt 2? dont know if its better left at that sooo you should tell me your thoughts!

“look, i’m happy for you, really y/n,” kuroo hesitates and inhales sharply. his fingers fidget around the mug laid in front of him, eyes avoiding the look tinged with concern painted across your face. “but what about us? you said— no we said we would do this whole adult thing together. we would build our lives in tokyo with our family and friends. you would become a lawyer, i would become a scientist. then, we could start a family, have mini me’s running around here,” he shudders, his voice growing increasingly weary with every word. his chest heaves up and down as he fights the urge to cry out in frustration.

three years. it’s been 3 long, glorious years since kuroo confessed his feelings to you back at nekoma. and what first began as something simply platonic blossomed into an enduring type of love that allowed the two of you to brush past all the obstacles. first, it was conflicting time schedules at work, then it was that overly flirty coworker that seemed to constantly cling on to him, and there was also the ex-boyfriend trying to “befriend” you again ordeal; but despite all the struggles, your love reigned supreme and nothing seemed to separate the bond you two held.

and love to kuroo meant not only reminiscing in the first’s, and reveling in the now’s, but also dreaming about the what if’s. dreams that he so badly wanted to become a reality.

“i know, tetsu, but look,” you desperately plead, a hand reaching out to capture his face, jaw tightened and brows knitted tightly. your knees brush his thighs as you lean forward but he remains rigid in his position. you’ve never seen him like this, indignation underlying his despair. “it’s a paid internship with one of the best firms in the nation! imagine how many opportunities this opens up for me, no, i mean for us in the future. besides, distance has nothing on us, right?”

no matter how hard you tried to sound confident, it sounded too much like a question rather than an affirmation. you could feel the cracks emerging in your relationship. the doubts washing away the glue that held you two together against all the past ups and downs. and despite being only a few feet apart, you felt oceans away from the man in front of you.

“no,” he says sternly, recoiling from your touch. he stands and takes steps away from you, a pained expression staring right back at you. “there’s no us in this, y/n. this is all about you. you’re the one being selfish.” he snarls, pointing a hard finger at your face.

“don’t say that tetsu, that’s not true,” you shout back, rage stirring within the depths of your stomach. you couldn’t fathom how he was blaming you right now. you were fully certain that if he came home to you one day, rejoicing in news of an opportunity for his career path, you would cry out in jubilation. so the fact that he was doing quite the opposite made your blood boil.

“i thought you would be happy for me— but you’re just being a dick about it!” you scream, loud enough for your neighbors to hear past the thinly lined walls of your apartment, but you couldn’t care less. your emotions were high and there was no off switch to stop the flood of venom slipping out your lips.

“are you kidding me? i’m the one at fault here y/n?”

at this point, both of you are shouting at full volume, anger bouncing off each other, and chipping away at your hearts. how could the one you loved the most be the one who ended up hurting you the worst? you think to yourself, breaths growing ragged from your emotions.

“but you are tetsurou! why can’t you support me?” it’s tiring, and maybe it’s your mind fighting your heart, but whatever it was made you feel completely helpless. it was like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, and each choice resulted in your own misery.

“what am i supposed to do while you pick up everything and move to the other side of the japan? did you expect me to come with you, or stay here and continue long distance? admit it, you didn’t even bother thinking about me in all of this, because i was never a part of your future!”

then there’s silence.

a deafening silence that was far too long on your part. and kuroo decides right there and then.

amid your scramble to find the right thoughts, right words to convince him, no— yourself that he was always in your mind, a priority in your heart, he storms off into the bedroom you shared.

you chase after him, legs absolutely numb as you attempt to drag your heavy feet across the carpeted floor. oh how quickly your anger dissipates and transforms into a painful sorrow.

“tetsu?” you whisper from behind him. your eyes fall onto the suitcase laid out on the bed, clothes overflowing from it. he hears you, but he doesn’t pause. he continues his fit of rage, walking back and forth from the dresser to throw his belongings into the suitcase. kuroo rummages through the drawers, leaving a mess behind everything he touches, but it didn’t matter at this point.

“don’t do this tetsu. please.” you cry out, hand clutching at the tighteness in your chest that made it difficult to find a breath. you find yourself following his every step, fingers reaching out for his but he dodges your desperation every time.

“why? you were gonna leave me anyway,” he hisses stridently behind his lashes brimming with tears, zipping the last of his stuff away in that little suitcase.

before he can walk through the door of your bedroom, you stop him and place your fists against his chest.

“look at me, tetsu. i love you. please, don’t do this,” you breathe. your hands go up to cup his face, sending shivers down his spine. as the pads of your thumbs delicately wipe away the tear stains, you can almost feel him lean into your touch. and for a moment, that hardened expression softened into the one you had grown to love for years. but it’s gone within seconds and your hands turn cold, missing his warmth.

“i’m only making this easier for you. now you don’t have to go through the pain of choosing, because i think we both know how this ends.” he sighs.

your forlorn whispers grow into desperate pleas for him to stay. but his feet don’t stop until he’s facing the front door, fingers grazing the silver knob that led to an escape from this situation, an escape from what he used to consider his paradise.

“don’t please. kuroo. tetsurou. i love you. don’t leave me.”

your sobs drive you to your knees and you reach for his arm one more time. maybe he’ll stay. maybe he’ll forgive you. maybe he’d still let you be a part of his future. you silently pray over and over, hoping that maybe the heavens could hear you and convince him. and those same thoughts run through kuroo’s mind but the words he was truly seeking for was nowhere to be found.

i won’t leave you.

that’s all he wished you would say. but minutes pass and he thinks it’s hopeless.

so he walks right out your life, just like that. he manages to mutter a sad “i love you too” before shutting the door but it’s far too quiet to be heard and you’re left alone in that empty, desolate apartment.

it’s cold, lacking the warmth that kuroo radiated from his mere presence. it’s dark, deprived of the brightness kuroo cast from his silly jokes and sweet words. so you’re sitting there, back against the door while you wretchedly wrap your arms around that old picture frame. it contained your graduation picture, lips pressed against kuroo’s as the team looks on proudly.

you start to think how funny it is how these memories that once made your heart swell with bliss became the monsters breaking down your very existence.

you’ve memorized every great and minute detail about him, but now you want to lock these up and throw away the key. it’s not out of regret or contempt, but protection against the guilt writhing away at your whole being.

and while you wept relentlessly, tears drenching your cheeks and the weight on your chest expanding, kuroo was lost.

how could the entire premise of his future slip out of his fingertips so easily?

a day ago, kuroo felt like he was on top of the world, basking in the vibrancy you continued to bring into his dull life. an itching sensation blossomed in his heart as he gushed to kenma over the idea of proposing, and of course, his best friend happily encouraged him to.

but within hours, an earthquake had sent tremors through his world. you were his entire foundation, a stabilizing rock against all the raging shakes and storms. but you weren’t his anymore.

without you, he lost the feeling of feeling. black and white darkening his world into nothingness.

[spidersfanfics]

Let’s Make the Most of the Night

Eridan x Karkat | Valentine’s Day | Angst

Happy Valentine's Day! I'm a monster so I wrote some angst :D Eridan goes on a date with Karkat for their anniversary. That's all :)

"Happy anniversary, Kar." Eridan said softly, handing over a bouquet of red roses. "I got you some flowers. And before you ask, no it's not a jab at your blood color. They're red for flushed feelings," he chuckled.

The sun shined down brightly as birds overhead chirped cheerfully. Eridan's stomach growled and he laughed sheepishly, "Let's eat why don't we?" He reached over and grabbed the picnic basket that had been prepared for the occasion.

Eager to get started, Eridan dug into the basket, pulling out sandwiches, salad and a bottle of wine. "Yes, wine," Eridan said with a playful smile, "I know sandwiches aren't exactly gourmet but it's a special occasion. Alright? We go over this every year."

A pause.

"And every year I win, don't I Kar." Eridan laughed as he poured out the wine. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

As he dug into his food and sipped on his drink, he began to fall deep into thought. A look of reminiscing painted across his face as he relaxed.

"Do you remember our first date?" He asked, breaking the silence that had briefly fallen. He smirked and shook his head, "No come on, let me tell it. I know I do this every time but that's only because it's cute every time."

He set down his wine glass and leaned back. His eyes grew distant as he cast his mind back. "Alright, let's see."

~ ~ ~

It was nearing the end of winter. No, not quite spring yet. That first date didn't count for the anniversary day, they'd agreed on that ages ago.

Eridan was handling the cold just fine as a seadweller, but Karkat's mutant blooded self always found the season miserable.

"GOG IM FREEZING MY FUCKING GLOBES OFF OUT HERE", Karkat texted Eridan. He'd just gotten off of work that day and was waiting for the bus to take him home.

Eridan texted back a moment later, "Wwe could go get some coffee together if you'd like. Might help to wwarm you up."

Karkat hesitated only a second before agreeing, "FUCK IT, WHY NOT. YOU KNOW WHERE I AM."

"Great, I'll pick you up in a minute. Don't freeze to death wwaiting for me."

"HA HA VERY FUNNY. JUST HURRY UP."

True to his word, Eridan was there not long after and the two of them drove over to a nearby coffee shop. They ordered their drinks and were just about to pay when Eridan stopped Karkat.

"Wait, let me pay for the both of us."

Karkat raised an eyebrow at him but let it slide and the pair brought their drinks to an empty table, tucked away in a quiet corner. Karkat took a slow sip of the drink and winced at the sudden temperature change.

After a long moment, he spoke up. "So, tell me Ampora. Is this a date?"

Eridan nearly choked on his drink. His face flushed a violent violet and he spluttered, "I mean. I was kind of hoping, that is I was going to ask at the end if. Well, do you want it to be one?"

Karkat stared forward evenly for a long while before rolling his eyes, "Yeah whatever. Why ruin a good thing right? This is our first date."

"Ah," Eridan said weakly, still coughing slightly. "Lovely," He gave Karkat a wary smile. When Karkat returned it without a trace of mockery, his fins fluttered excitedly and he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

Soon, they had both finished their drinks, as well as the slices of cake Eridan had insisted on buying for the two of them. "Well, I'd better head home for real now." Karkat said, gathering up their trash and sweeping it into a nearby garbage can.

"Yeah, do you need me to drive you?"

He shook his head and glanced at his watch, "There's a bus coming soon. I'll be fine." He paused then pulled Eridan into a hug, "Thanks for the food and drinks, Ampora. This was fun. Maybe we should do this again sometime."

When he pulled away, Eridan was blushing once more. "Yeah, we should," he agreed with a chuckle. He pulled his car keys out of his pocket and twirled them around his finger, "I'll see you around. Text me when you get home?"

"Sure," Karkat laughed and the two parted ways.

~ ~ ~

Eridan finished his reminiscing and his sandwiches at around the same time and he smiled lovingly. "The first of many lovely dates to come," he said.

He reached back towards the picnic basket and opened it up again. After some quick rummaging, he pulled out a couple of cupcakes. "They didn't have cake slices when I went this time but these are from that same coffee shop." He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "Is that too cheesy? I thought it would be a nice surprise."

He unwrapped one and took a bite before thinking once more of another story to tell. "Oh, well of course if we're going to talk about our past, we should talk about the day you asked me out." He laughed, "Still can't believe you beat me to it. That's why I insisted on being the one to propose you know. Oh but that's a whole other story."

As if fearing the silence, Eridan launched into yet another story.

~ ~ ~

"AMPORA, WE'RE STILL ON FOR OUR DATE TODAY RIGHT?"

Eridan smiled at yet another text from a familiar number.  "Of course wwe are," he texted back, "Same thing I told you the last thousand times you asked. In fact, I'm gettin' ready right noww. Evverythin alright?"

It didn't take long for the response, "YEAH YEAH EVERYTHINGS FINE. JUST MAKING SURE. ILL BE THERE SOON, DONT KEEP ME WAITING FISHDICK."

"As if I evver do," Eridan shot back with a laugh as he fixed his hair, "You wwound me." Despite his words, he still smiled warmly at his phone. They'd been going on regular dates for some time now and he'd already decided he'd ask Karkat to be his matesprite properly soon. He couldn't wait.

A few minutes later, the ringing of the doorbell alerted him to Karkat's arrival. He ran eagerly to the door and opened it with a wide smile. "How's that for quick, Kar," he teased.

Karkat scoffed but still handed Eridan white rose, "Here, gift for you."

"Charming," Eridan laughed as he slipped it into a vase he kept by the door for this very reason. "Now let's get going. We don't want to be late for our reservation."

The two drove over to a fancy restaurant where Eridan had booked a table for them to enjoy. And after a delicious dinner, they decided to go for a stroll through a nearby park.

As the night drew to a close, Karkat stopped Eridan before they could start heading back to his car. "Hey Ampora," he said, taking both of Eridan's hands.

"What's up Kar? You've gone all stiff."

Karkat cleared his throat awkwardly. "I've got something important to tell you," he said, "So shut the fuck up and don't ruin it."

Eridan raised an eyebrow but stayed silent as he was told and nodded at Karkat to continue.

"We've been going on these dates for some time now," Karkat said, speaking quickly as if to stop himself from chickening out. "And I was wondering if you'd want to be my matesprite. Properly and officially."

"You're kidding," Eridan said his jaw dropping. He scrambled to keep talking before Karkat could snap at him for the less than optimal answer. "No wait, yes, yes. I would love to be your matesprite," he laughed, "It's just that I was thinking of asking you out soon and here you are doing it first instead."

Karkat tried for an annoyed look but ended up laughing along anyway, "Yeah well, guess I'm just better than you like that."

~ ~ ~

Eridan sighed, leaning back on his hands. "You should have seen your face when you thought I was about to reject you," he laughed, wiping away a tear.  "As if I would ever be that stupid."

He shook his head, "No. Never. And so many good days came out of that one yes, didn't it? God remember moving in together? And our wedding?"

Taking just a second to catch his breath, Eridan started talking again. Telling story, after story, after story. Before long, evening had fallen. The food he'd brought was long gone and in fact it was nearly time for dinner.

"Well," Eridan said softly. He gathered up various wrappers and tupperware to throw back into the basket before standing up with a grunt. "Should probably head home now."

His voice wobbled as he lifted his hand to his mouth and blew a kiss at the grave before him. "I miss you," he said. Tears flowed freely now, trailing violet down his face. "I'm doing alright though," he managed. "Kanaya told me to say hi. Feferi too."

With a heavy sigh, Eridan picked up his things and turned to leave. "Until next year," he said, glancing back one last time.

A pity lowbloods always die so young.

[cabin-7]

Did someone say solangelo???

Secret Smooches

@i-love-all-books I got you bro

TW: I dont think there are any but tell me if any are needed.

Word count:2231 short and simple

AN: this started super late at night and I just kept comin back to it so here's a fluffy as hell Solangelo fic written by yours truly. It also not been checked so grammar mistakes aka terrible writing ahead

---------------------------------------------------

Nico didn’t know why it started. To most people, it was endearing what Will did but to Nico, he was just annoyed. He enjoyed kisses from his boyfriend, but not so suddenly. At least that’s what he told everyone else.

It started a few weeks into their relationship. Nico was sitting at the Hades table eating whatever he had first thought of when he heard Will walk past, seemingly talking with friends. He turned to wave and just as soon as he was facing him Will smacked a kiss onto his lips and kept on walking and talking as if he had done nothing in particular. Nico, on the other hand, was gobsmacked and raised his hand up to his lips. His head swiveled towards where Will had just sat down at the Apollo table and gave him a look that he hoped conveyed his message: “What the hell was that about?”. In return. Will simply smirked and winked at him. Nico felt blood rush up to his cheeks as he stubbornly turned back to his plate trying not to reminisce on the chaste kiss.

----

Then it became a routine. The thing was that it always happened before people showed up at the dining pavilion. Nico had convinced will to eat lunch because of it which was why Nico didn’t try to tell Will to stop. Because if Will ate lunch, he was taking care of himself, so what was a little kiss in front of a few people.

One day Jason had slipped into a seat across from Nico and was mindlessly chattering. He talked about his girlfriend which Nico wasn’t entirely interested in. He commented back nonetheless, so he wouldn’t be seen as rude. Jason was his friend after all. Their conversation slowly transitioned to another topic. 

Jason picked up a book that he had at his side. “I’m revamping all of the temples on the Temple Hill as you know,” he said excitedly as he flickered through the pages, “and I want your opinion on the Pluto temple,” he flipped a few pages back and flipped the book towards Nico to reveal messy sketches and notes. The drawings weren’t wonderful by any means and it was clear that Jason was still learning but it was definitely better than the last time he had seen Jason’s sketches. Nico wondered if he had gotten some tips from Hazel. Jason pointed at spots on the page and explained what he had visioned.

“So I think having some sort of torches would be fitting, but I don’t want it to be too dark,” he said with a huff, “I’m just not sure what to do for that.”

“Just promise me it won’t be like Hades cabin when we first came here,” Nico remarked, “it was so-” suddenly Nico heard his name being called. Looking to his left he saw none other than his boyfriend running up the hill waving his arms dramatically.  Nico glanced over at Jason who looked mildly confused. 

As quickly as he could Will rushed up to Nico.

“It’s kind of crazy in the infirmary so I have to skip lunch but-” Will started but Nico cut him off by holding out an apple.

“You need to eat something,’ he said, “and, an apple a day keeps the doctor away is how the saying goes right? That means you can scram for all  I care,” he teased lightly.

Will smiled at Nico and gratefully took the apple. “Thanks, babe,” he chirped before planting a sweet kiss on Nico’s lips that lingered for a few seconds. Not too long, but enough for Nico to blush ever so slightly. Will pulled away still smiling, “you’re the best,” he waved at Jason with a small ‘hey’ before ruffling Nico’s hair and running back to the infirmary. 

Nico watched him run off with furrowed eyebrows. He couldn’t decide whether to be angry, flustered, or endeared. He settled on a stone-cold expression he turned back to Jason. He also decided that his feeling for Will could be kept in his mind. Jason had a mischievous grin and at that moment Nico felt himself grow embarrassed and the blush return to his cheeks and ears. He felt like people might’ve been staring at him, but that he was used to. It was the look on Jason’s face that told Nico he was in for it though.

“So... Will Solace?” he questioned innocently and Nico groaned, burying his face in his hands. Jason cackled and leaned forward, “oh c’mon! You’ve gotta at least tell me about him!”

Nico shook his head and Jason only begged him for some information on the boy who had suddenly kissed him. After a lot of refusals, Nico let loose the smile that was tugging at the corners of his mouth and looked up.

Nico heaved a heavy sigh as he balanced his head on the palm of his hand, “he’s my boyfriend,” he confessed. Jason gave a subtle eye roll and muttered ‘duh’. Nico lightly hit his arm. “I’ve been dating him for a few months. We started dating on September 15 and today is…” he glanced at Jason for the date. 

The son of Jupiter laughed, “it’s November 18th”

Nico nodded, “right. Well anyway, he does…” he paused as he thought of what to say, “Since like October he’s been” he felt his face grow hotter and hesitated, “kissing me when I least expect it.”

“Awww!” Jason cooed, “that’s so cute!”

Nico glared at him, “don’t push your luck Grace. You may be my friend but that doesn’t mean I’m any less likely to punch you.”

----

The tradition continued, every day. Nico always thought he’d expect it, but then it started changing. Will switched up when he did, but made sure it was at least at one of the three meals. He said it was to make sure Nico was eating, but the other knew better. He knew Will was having fun with it, and gods be damned he wasn’t going to upset him.

So, it was definitely odd when Nico hadn’t seen Will at breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Call him a worrywart, but he knew something was wrong. Or at least he thought he did. So Nico finished his dinner wearily and even waited in the dining pavilion for a bit. People gave him odd looks. Jason teased him, but he didn’t care. He was just worried about Will and he wasn’t going to miss him.

Eventually, though, he decided that it would be better to look for Will than wait for him. So he hoisted himself off of the table’s bench and started to walk off into the camp. He decided to stop by the Apollo cabin. When he got close to the cabin he heard Dancing Queen by Abba being played loudly over High Hopes by Panic! At The Disco. There were other songs mixed in here and there not playing nearly as loud as Apollo children loudly shouted over one another.

“SHUT UP PANIC AT THE EVERYWHERE NICKI MINAJ IS OUR QUEEN” a low voice yelled.

“THAT’S SAC-RELIGIOUS TO HERA..or something-”

“IT’S NOT RELIGION IF “GOD” IS YOUR DAD SHUT UP PARKER”

Nico chuckled quietly to himself as he stepped on the porch. He wondered if knocking would even work, but there was no doorbell so he’d have to hope. He wasn’t looking to raise his voice or just open the door. 

Luckily children of Apollo have extremely keen ears.

As soon as Nico knocked he heard one of Will’s sister, Kayla, yell “QUIET” louder than was humanly possible. Nico was beginning to realize how loud Apollo kids really were. All music in the cabin ceased it’s playing and the door swung open to show Kayla with a bright smile and a lot of Apollo kids who seemed to be fighting. One had another pinned to the ground, holding a fist above her head as her brother squirmed.

“Yo! Nico!” Kayla greeted, “sorry about the ruckus, music debate night. You know how it is.” Nico, in fact, didn’t have a clue what she was talking about, “anyway, how can I help you?”

Nico could feel the eyes of Apollo campers glaring into them as they impatiently waited for their debate to resume. Nico smiled awkwardly, “just looking for Will, is he here?”

Kayla spun around and looked around the large cabin, “WILL?” she yelled. No reply. A small girl who was being sat on by her younger (but stronger) brother squeaked, “Haven’t seen him since this morning.” Another kid called, “who’s Will?” Kayla spun around back to Nico, “I think that’s your answer. Check the dining pavilion, maybe the infirmary. Though he shouldn’t be in the infirmary, I told him to catch a break.”

Nico sighed, “I’ve been telling him for the entire time I’ve known him,” He shrugged, “well… thanks, Kayla.” She nodded and waved before she picked up two pots. 

“You might wanna cover your ears, and close the door will you?” Nico shut the door and heard two pots clang together as Kayla screamed, “ROUND THREE! WARFARE!” before the music began blaring loudly once more. The bass was so strong that the cabin shook beneath his feet. Nico quickly hopped off the porch. Once he was a few feet away from the cabin the noise ceased. He assumed there was some sort of noise spell put over the cabin because he knew that if there wasn’t the cabin would’ve been heard all the way in New Jersey.

Nico pulled his black leather jacket closer to him as the chilly autumn air blew around him. While Camp Half-Blood had control over the weather, year-round campers liked to experience the different seasons, if a bit milder. Nico did too. He likes to see the trees changing and feel the colder weather kick in. Bonus: he got to steal Will’s jackets.

The son of Hades tried to peek into the infirmary through the windows but the curtains were drawn. Suspicion bubbled in Nico’s chest, but either way, he knocked. Unlike the Apollo cabin, the silence wasn’t nice to hear. So he tried the doorknob. Turns out it was unlocked so Nico walked right in.

“Will?” Nico called. There was a shuffling from a back room and a crash before a familiar voice called back.

“One sec!” Will yelled. His voice sounded a bit strained, but nothing worrying. Nico was more so worried about the crash and why Will was still at the infirmary.

Soon enough Will walked out of the backroom and tossed his gloves out before he rubbed his eyes. Nico smiled softly at him and cautiously held open his arms. Will smiled gratefully and walked into Nico’s arms, tenderly wrapping his arms around his torso and burying his head in his hair. Nico rested his chin on Will’s chest.

“Rough day?” he asked quietly. Will silently nodded and held Nico closer to him which only made the boy smile. “We all have bad days. Is there anything I can do to help?” Once again Will stayed silent, but this time he shrugged. Nico nodded and reached up to press a kiss to Will’s cheek. “Your siblings are being super loud right now. We can go to my cabin and watch TV or something.”

Will cracked a smile, “I forgot that it was a music debate Monday” he said quietly, “we can hang out in your cabin,” he took a deep breath, “that sounds nice.”

Nico smiled a bit more and let go of the medic, “wanna tell me what happened first?”

So, Will sighed and began to explain that on top of being busy, he just felt out of it. He was not only physically tired but emotionally too. Nico listened to everything he said as he spoke in a far different tone than usual. It was soft and quiet. And yet Nico knew that it was still his Will. So as they were about to leave the infirmary, Nico grabbed Will’s sleeve to stop him and planted a surprise kiss on his cheek like he always did for him. Surprise smooches always brightened up his day.

----

Nico rested his head on Will’s chest, “So, the dinosaurs are CGI?” he asked for confirmation. 

\Will nodded as he raked his fingers through Nico’s hair, “Yeah. it’s really cool technology, but I wouldn’t be the person to tell you about it. The son of Hades nodded, “It just looks so..so..”

His boyfriend chuckled, “real? Yeah, I know. It’s kind of crazy-” he was cut off by a sudden boy kissing him sweetly. Will blushed a bit but happily obliged to the sudden kiss that ended too soon for liking. “What was that for?” He asked.

Nico shrugged, settling back into where he was snuggled up, “you’ve given me a crap ton of surprises, why can you get one?” Will laughed softly and pulled the quilt on Nico’s bed up closer, “yeah that’s fair.”

“It should be a game,” Will said after a pause, “who can steal a secret smooch first?” there was a moment of silence between them before they both burst out laughing.

“You’re on Solace,” Nico said with a smirk. Will nodded and the two shook hands at an awkward angle before they both dove in for the first move of a game that would last way longer than they expected.

[always-against-the-grain]

thirds

Summary: You invite Negan over for dinner when your parents are out of town. Continuation of party favor

Pairing: AU Negan x reader (female, named Eddie)

Tags: AU Negan, Negan smut, Negan x reader, rough-ish smut

A/N: no proof read. we die like men

“Oh, fuck” you complained to no one, feeling your muscle soreness settling in as you hopped off your fathers SUV.

You had just come back from the gym and were excited to have the house to yourself. Your folks left town for your mother’s work and you had your whole night planned, get a stoned, eat some lasagna your mom pre-made for you, shower, smoke some more, watch some stand-up, and rub one out.

As you walked towards your front door you heard the faint clinking noises, accompanied by soft rock music; noticing Negan’s half open garage, beaming white light escaping onto the gray pavement.

You entered your home and read the note on the counter:

Eddie,

Your dad and I left for my work trip (that free loader). Left some lasagna in the fridge. 375 45 min.

Love you,

mom (and dad)

DONT USE THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. Negan will take a look tomorrow at 9am, so please be up to let him in and get coffee going.

Knowing Negan was going to be in your home soon brought tingles to your insides. Reminiscing on how you fucked you in the bathroom a little over a week ago.Your memories aroused you, but frustrated you as well, remembering how he toyed with you that firework infused night.

You snapped yourself out of it and began setting the oven when the door bell rang.

You walked over an peeked through the side window.

Negan?

You opened the door and without a proper greeting you asked, “Um, weren’t you supposed to come by tomorrow?”

“Well hello to you too” Negan commented on your weak hospitality.

“And yeah, for the sink... I’m just here to let you know you left your headlights on” he informed you, tilting his head to the direction of the driveway.

“You couldn’t call?” You questioned his motives for being at your doorstep.

Not that you wouldn’t fuck him over and over, but you wanted to be the one to initiate that. He wasn’t gonna control the situation this time.

“Your folks got rid of the landline.”

That comment served as a potent reminder that you hadn’t physically lived in that house other than school intermissions, and that you didn’t know that much about Negan regardless of how good friends he and your parents were.

“And I don’t have your number, cause that would be inappropriate” He added with a smirk, knowing you were miles past appropriateness.

“Funny” you commented on his response in a dead-panned tone.

You reached for the keys on their respective hook on the wall and walked out towards the car, Negan followed behind. You unlocked it and reached your arm in to switch the lights off.

You shut the car door, noticing Negan was cutting through the lawn, half way towards his front door.

Having already gotten you slice of Negan you couldn’t resist him. Flashes of what tonight could potentially lead to infiltrated your mind.

Fuck

“Hey!” you called out to him.

Negan stopped in his tracks and turned his head towards you.

“You like lasagna?”

He paused in thought for a moment.

Should he enter your home without your parents? What if a neighbor saw? What would they think?

“Is it your mothers or that frozen shit?”

“It’s a Frankie original”

“Fuck. Alright” he was easily convinced.

Your mom did make a mean lasagna.

You set the prepared lasagna on the counter as you continued to wait for the oven to heat.

“You can take a hit of that if you want” you gestured towards the packed glass pipe and lighter sitting at the edge of the bar countertop.

“This what you always do when your parents aren't around?” He asked, reaching for the pipe.

“Smoke? Or invite not-age-appropriate men over?” You teased.

“Both” he said as he struggled with the lighter.

Spark after spark with no flame.

“I think that ones out. Let me get another” you skipped upstairs to your room.

Negan waited patiently, flipping through his phone. He noticed some leftover oil and grim on his fingers and got up to wash his hands. While you were in ransacking your drawers, your phone rang downstairs.

Negan let the first call go, but when the second call came he peaked over, concerned it was one of your parents needing to get a hold of you.

He was thrown off by the name on the screen.

Myles

“Found one” you said coming down the steps, Negan in the middle of drying his hands.

“Here” you handed it to him feeling the dampness on his fingers.

“Thanks doll. Your phone rang by the way” He let you know as he sat back down on one of the stools.

Negan took a couple hits as you opened up your phone and typing a quick message before setting it down.

Negans curiosity quickly unraveled.

“So whose Myles?” Negan asked, smoke exiting along with his words, “Myles with a Y...”

“Um. He is.. he’s my.. boyfriend” you said awlwardly, knowing how fucked up it sounded.

“If he’s your boyfriend, why the hell did you sleep with me. Twice for that matter” Negan questioned, almost interrogating you

“One, don’t come at me like that,” your defenses riding

“Two, it’s not like I’m doing anything he’s not already doing” you replied, taking a hit.

“Shit really? How do you know?”

“We were on a date one night, it was a normal day” you spoke holding your breathe and smoke in.

“and- and I don’t know, I looked at him, and I just knew.” Your voice becoming clearer as the white clouds left your body.

Woman’s intuition, Negan thought to himself. Reflecting on his own past.

“And his messages proved it so, there’s that” you added.

“Shit I’m sorry doll” Negan empathized, taking the pipe for his turn.

“It’s okay...” you said, a bit of sadness painting over your face.

“...you’ve help me get over it quite a bit” your voice lightening up, trying to keep yourself from getting down.

“Does he know you know?” he asked sparking another hit.

“Nah, not yet.”

“Why haven’t you told him? Hoping to work it out?” Smoke blowing from his lips

“Fuck no!” you laughed

“I didn’t confront him about it cause it was right before summer, he’s abroad, I’m doing an internship here. Would’ve been really stressful dealing with a break up right now.”

“But that a bridge we’ll cross when we get there, in the mean time I’m just gonna dick around” you said nonchalantly as you reached for the pipe once more, intentionally grazing his hand half a second slower.

Your final hit closed the conversation on your relationship.

You set the pipe down, free for Negan to grab if he’d like to continue.

“Okay, what about you? What’s your is deal, what do you do around here?” You guided the conversation towards his occupation, rather than his love life, worried that that information might put you off.

Negan grabbed the pipe.

“I teach” he said before taking a puff.

“You teach? You? A cigarette smoking, beer drinking, motorcycle driving, bachelor?” You busted his balls

“First of all honey, there’s not a wrong way to live a life. And secondly, I know I’m not perfect. Hell, I’m light years from perfect, but I am proud of what I do. I’m a good ass teacher, I make these kids find awe in bi-fucking-ology .”

“Biology? I’m sorry, but this is wild! I didn’t expect you do me a science geek.” You were actually intrigued, “How’d you get into teaching?”

“Well, I did my undergrad degree in biology. And I TA-ed a course and I realized I really liked teaching so after graduation I went ahead and got my Master’s in education.”

“Wait, I thought you coached”? You jumped to the next question

“I do that too. I teach 4 classes, 2 intro bios, 1 ap bio, and one health period. Then coach after school”

”What do you coach?”

“Coach women's basketball in the winter, and help out with baseball in the spring.”

“I’m guessing you like it? You seem very passionate.”

”I love this teaching shit. Plus, I’m someone these kids can talk to, someone who can guide them and be raw-fully honest about anything- I don’t patronize these kids. I get to be the person I needed at their age, it’s a sweet gig” He couldn’t help the smile spreading on his face

This conversation fine tuned your image of Negan. You found yourself lost in the dichotomy of it all. Here he was, shirt covered in black oil stains, smoking weed, cursing, yet vulnerable, gentleness peaking through his macho-ness.

Beep

You walked over to lay the lasagna on the rack. Negan admiring your ass as you bent over. He stared for as long as he could. Blood flowing to his manhood.

“So, we got 45 minutes to kill” you closed the oven and walked around the counter towards him.

Your hands went towards his knee cap, pushing his leg out to fit your stature between his seated figure.

“What can Coach Negan teach me in that time?” you whispered as your lips gravitated towards his.

You wantonly kissed him. Sliding your tongue in his mouth to wrestle with his. His hands firmly cupped your ass, pulling you closer to him.

“There she is.” He applauded, as you tugged on his lower lip.

“I was waiting for your dirty side to come out and play” he said, knotting his fingers through your hair that was in a post-work-out messy bun.

You tried to bring your mouth back to his and you got close, but his firm grip held you back.

“Uh-huh” he said, barely audible.

Negan stuck his tongue out slightly, leaning towards you. Your lips were ready to welcome him, before he sprung back.

“Fucker” You let out a sigh that was between a laugh and utter frustration.

He toward over you, staring at you lustfully.

He had you desperate for more. Negan felt your try to fight against his grasp again.

“You lack patience” He informed you, keeping you away from him.

“And you’re a tease” You immediately shot back at him

He closed his fist further, the taut strands pulling on your scalp, “I’m not a tease. I just know what you can handle.”

“I don’t think you do” You were up for the challenge.

“Oh, honey” He smirked doubtfully.

Butterflies flooded your gut, tingles shot across your upper back. You were nervous, but gave him no indication of that, so he figured he’d teach you lesson, put you in your place.

“Other than the word ‘stop’ is gonna make me stop. Are you okay with that?”

“Yes” You answered attempting to kiss I’m once more.

Negan kept a tight grip of you hair, but allowed you to bring your mouth to his.

He brought his other hand to your clothed center. Pulling his lips away to see your reaction.

Breathily moans began spilling out of you. Your eyes fluttering shut, focusing on his touch.

He stopped his maneuvers, “Look at me”

Once you opened your eyes and locked with his he resumed to pleasure you.

He stood up, hands still wrapped in your hair and on your womanhood. He kept you neck extended, staring into your eyes as you both stumbled toward the living room couch. His eyes told you he was excited to show you what you had not yet experienced.

He gave your final rubs before as you arrived to the L-shaped couch.

You began undressing other other. As each item of clothing disappeared you found new areas to grope each other.

“Oh fuck,” he mumbled as you reached for his heavy member, pumping him slowly.

Negan grabbed the sides of your jaw, giving you a nasty kisses before directing you in a face down position. He placed you on your knees, your rear directed upwards. The feeling the cool air gust over your wet center gave you shivers.

He lightly tapped your clit with his dick. He did that multiple times before sliding it between your folds, lubricating himself with your fluids.

“Ugh Negan... fuck” you mewled

You started to lean back into him, wanting more contact. Negan didn’t appreciate it that. He held your hip tightly with his other hand as he teased you for what felt like hours. He eventually stuck the tip of his cock inside you and sat still.

You knew if you moved he would make you wait longer. You decided to be patient and let him make the call. Admitting to yourself that he took the wheel form you once more.

Once you’re breathing settled, Negan stuck the entire length of his member in one motion, accompanied by a load groan.

“Oh fuck” you yelled as your entrance stretched around him.

Negan brought his hand to the side of your face to hold you down. You felt your check rub harsher against the couch cushion as he built up speed. The sound of his balls slapping against your wet pussy filled the family room.

His thrusts were euphoric and dominating. He was punishing you and wanted you to enjoy it.

In between his plunges you were able to catch a whiff of his cologne with his natural musk sprinkled in. That scent did something primal to you.

Your felt your release was close.

“Ne-, I’m- I’m” you started to inform him.

He began to force himself harder and deeper. You couldn’t keep your position, your pelvis dropped, your leg fell of the edge, squirming and kicking.

“Mmmmm!! Fuck!” Your toes splayed as your climax enveloped you.

You thought Negan would slow down after cumming that hard, but he kept pushing into your prone body at the same pace. Your hand reached back to brace his quad, hoping to diminish his thrusts.

Negan roughly gripped the hand that was trying to stop him and pinned it over your head, his long torso over your back, closing the space between you.

His hips continued to drive into you as he growled in your ear, , “This is what punching above you’re weight class is baby.”

You began moaning, not you’re typical moans though. The sounds escaping you sounded like a porno. If you heard a voice recording of this moment you would swear it was staged

Groans bubbled and escaped Negan as he felt his release building.

He clenched your hair and pulled out of you. You were relieved as you were becoming over sensitive.

He brought his member over your face, holding your head down onto the cushions.

His manhood hovered over you, swiftly pumping himself.

“ughhh” You heard his as his warm milky seed splattered on the side of your face.

He was breathing fast and heavy after his release. He used his member to scoop some of his cum from your cheek and brought it into your mouth.

“Dirty girl” he smiled as welcomed his cock, and sucked tenderly on his bulbous head, extracting all of him.

Afterwards Negan helped you sit up.

He picked up your shirt from the ground and handed it to you to wipe your face.

“Thanks” you said weakly, yet satisfied.

He sat beside you. Hand grazing your thigh, slowly working towards your center, as you rid your face of his seed.

The instant his finger touched you nerve bundle, you jolted away from him, lightly swatting his hand away.

“You okay?” He chuckled, stopping his movements but pulling you back close to him.

“Yeah” you answered “It was just a lot, but it was really good”

“Are you gonna listen to me now? When I say what you can handle and what you can’t?”

“Yeah”

He stared at you, wanted a different answer.

You know that look. It was the ‘yeah’-is-not-an-answer look, given to you by your own coaches.

“Yes” you said clear and respectfully.

“Good” He brought his lips to yours, slipping his tongue through.

Your make out session was interrupted by the oven.

Beep

“Let’s eat” He said.

____________________

After dinner you both hopped in the shower. You had sex again. And he was much slower and gentle in that second round.

Negan sat the edge of your bed, towel around his waist. He looked around your room, while you found something suitable for him to wear.

Half of your room was neat and well put together. The other half looked like an artists went on a bender. The wall and ground were littered with your drawings and ongoing project ideas.

“Here” you handed him unisex navy blue tee and sweats, “Let me know if they fit or not.”

You went back to your dresser to dress yourself in a Nike long sleeve and compression shorts

“How’d that work out?” You asked facing away from him.

“Take a look” He said waiting for you to see what was wrong.

You turned around and didn’t see anything fit too tight or too loose. Then you noticed the sweats were well above his ankles

You burst out laughing “Never thought I’d see you in capris“

“They fit around the waist, that’s what matters” He laughed

You both went back downstairs. Drank beer and played the stand up you had planned on watching. You both sat close to each other, in the very spot you had fucked earlier.

Mid-way Negan interrupted the special, “Hey, when do you head back to school?”

“Two weeks. We’re gonna have a little party. I’m sure my folks will invite you. Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering” he said, but he really was plotting your farewell gift.

[flowerpowell]

You Drive Me Crazy (Colt x MC)

PART SIX

A/N: Here’s part six, which also means the series is coming to an end! Thank you for your patience with waiting for this chapter, I hope you’ll all like it! As always I dont own the characters but I’d appreciate the feedback. And please note, this is an AU!

Rating: PG-16 

Word Count: 1598

Tagging: @agent-bossypants @brightpinkpeppercorn @confessionsofabrokegirl @lovehugsandcandy @walkerduchess @choicesarehard @going-down-downtown @long-gone-girl @client-327 @desireepow30 @i-only-signed-up-for-fanfiction @umiumichan @powdesiree0816 @claudevonstruke @akrenich ♥

“I love you, Ellie,” Colt repeated and within seconds Ellie threw her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately as if they never argued, as if she remembered he was her first, as if it all made sense again.

Except that it wasn’t true. That was not the reality. The reality was harsh.

It was over.

Colt hid his face between his hands, sitting on his bed, his shirt wet from tears. His tears.

He sat there, trying to steady his breath and reminiscing about what happened only an hour ago.

“This is low, even for you!” she shouted at him from behind the closed car door.

“I just said I loved you, how is this low?!”

“Oh, please! You’ll do just everything to make me stop seeing Logan! I didn’t expect you’d actually start pretending you like me not but apparently I don’t even know you!”

I don’t even know you. Know you.

He didn’t know himself either at this point.

There was no Colt he used to know. No Colt who laughed at being too emotional. No Colt who didn’t care about what other thought about him. No Colt who never shed a tear.

That Colt was gone. Dead.

This Colt was helpless, in love and needed a hug. This Colt hated this new Colt.

“Stupid feelings!” he slammed his fist into the wooden bed frame breaking it.

He needed to leave. Go far away and never look back. Leave as soon as possible.

~~~~

“Young Kaneko! Hi, come in,” Ellie’s father opened the door and let Colt in. “My daughter is not here, I’m afraid. She’s constanstly out somewhere and I barely see her these days,” he sighed.

“I actually came to you. To say goodbye. I’m leaving the town and I figured I’d tell you,” Colt shrugged gently as he felt Ellie’s dad’s gaze on him.

“Why?”

“Oh you know, nothing is happening here, really. I want to know the world. Leave this shithole, start my life. Ellie’s going to college soon too so it’s not like I have much left here,” he said biting his lower lip. It wasn’t all true. He lost Ellie before she even went to college and ever since Logan appeared, he had nothing left.

“Ellie knows?”

“I’ll tell her. I couldn’t find her.”

“You sure you want to leave? You and Ellie seemed--”

“I’m sure. Won’t change my mind,” Colt cut him off. Ellie’s father nodded and went silent for a moment.

“She’ll miss you,” the old man finally spoke. Colt shook his head.

“I doubt it. She’s going to college soon, she has friends. She’ll be fine.”

“She’ll miss you,” he repeated, “and it’s not certain she’ll go to college this year.”

“What? Why?” Colt asked alarmed. Did something happen?

“I need to pay one last installment but my visit at the hospital cost a half of it. I’m not sure if I’ll manage the get the money before it’s due.” He explained and Colt started thinking. Did Ellie know? She wanted to go to college so bad... She’ll be devastated.

“Think positively,” Colt said, “maybe you’ll have the money. I gotta go now but please, take care of yourself, sir.”

“You too, Kaneko. You too.”

~~~~

His mind was racing.

He hadn’t done it in months but he needed the money. For Ellie. For her college. For her dreams. For her freedom. For her.

He knew it was stupid and Ellie would be mad if she found out he was doing it again. That was why he only told Mona about it. She was against it too but he didn’t care. This was the only way he could help Ellie before he would leave.

“Yo, Kaneko!” A man named Salazar walked up to him with a few of his buddies. “Haven’t seen you in a while. Racing again?”

“Yup,” Colt answered shortly. He hated the guy and he didn’t come here for a small talk. He came here to race and to win the money he needed. And then leave. For good.

“Think you can win? With me?” the man laughed and his friends followed.

What a bunch of morons.

“I always did.”

“Aren’t you afraid you precious litte friend’s father, who’s a cop, will find out you took part in illegal races again?”

“And who’s gonna tell him? You?” Colt laughed and Salazar narrowed his eyes.

“You’re going down,” he said before he left and Colt rolled his eyes. Whatever. I’m here just for the money.

He walked up to his motorcycle and studied it for a second. He wasn’t afraid of losing, he knew he was good and since Ellie was his motivation, he knew he could win this. He smiled at the thought of Ellie but his face fell remembering their last meeting. He was just about to warm up, his little silly routine before every race, when his phone rang.

Mona.

“I’m kinda busy right now, Mona.”

“Ellie was here. Asking about you.”

“What?” he froze. “What was she asking? Why...?”

‘I told her where you are. And what you’re about to do.”

“What?! Mona! How could you, I trusted you!” Colt yelled into the phone.

“She came here and told me her father told her you were leaving. She wanted to know why. I told her it was partly because of her. I might have told her some things from your perspective. She thought you were pretending when you said you loved her, now she knows it wasn’t a lie. I told her you don’t know how to deal with your emotions but you fell for her. She seemed to be shocked.”

“MONA!”

“Listen, Colt. I like you but you need help. She would never know if I hadn’t told her. I spared her the details but long story short, she knows you wanted to be more than friends with her and that’s why you acted like a total ass. And she’s headed there so you’d better win that race asap before she gets there.” Mona kept explaining but Colt stood still, not sure what to think. Ellie knew everything. Shit. He quickly hung up and hopped on his bike. The race was supposed to start soon and he hoped it’s end before Ellie arrived.

It felt almost nice to be back. The adrenaline, the exicitement, it all was back.

The race started and Colt easily managed to draw ahead. He saw Salazar in the corner of his eyes, he was determined to win this time but Colt maneuvered slightly and was first on the finish line. He smirked at the “losers” and went to claim his prize when he saw her.

Ellie was furious.

She noticed him and started yelling something, something he couldn’t understand because one of the motorcycles’ engine was still working. He turned to ask the owner to stop it but saw Salazer driving straight into him, clearly trying to hit him.

“WHAT THE HELL?” Colt yelled when he jumped back dodging the bike. Salazar looked back at him, not even bothering to stop the vehicle. Colt’s angry expression quickly turned into a pure horror on his face when he realized Salazar’s motorcycle was going right into...Ellie.

“Ellie!” he screamed but she was too shocked to move and Salazar seemed to have frozen as well.

“STOP IT!!” Colt yelled running after the bike, praying to somehow make it stop.

“ELLIE!” he cried out but it was too late. She was hit and thrown with a huge force, and landed on the street. Colt felt like he was going to either throw up or kill Salazar. Preferably both.

“Ellie!” he ran up to her and looked in horror at her face, the blood dripping from her head, forming a small puddle which was doubling before his very eyes.

“Ellie, please, stay with me,” he tried to stop the bleeding with his jacket, frantically looking for his phone. Salazar and the rest of the people stood still looking at both of them with their eyes wide opened.

“Can someone call the ambulace?!” Colt lost his patience and started yelling at the crowd. They all only shrugged.

“If we call 911 the police will come as well and we’ll be all arrested. It’s not worth it. It’s better to sacrifice her,” Salazar pointed to Ellie.

“SACRIFICE ELLIE?!” Colt stood up and started walking towards Salazar with hate in his eyes. “How about we sacrifice you and tell the police you wanted to kill her, huh?”

“Dude... not worth it. He’s right,” another man cut in. Colt glared at him and then looked around at the faces of everyone.

“You’re...You’re serious? You’ll let her die because you’re afraid you’d go to jail?” he asked hesitantly. They all nodded. Salazar put a hand on his shoulder but Colt shook it off. “Accidents happen. We’re leaving and so should you,” he said and they all started slowly dispersing.

Colt stood frozen at what he just witnessed. He looked at the men driving away and then at Ellie laying motionless on the road. Then again at the men and at Ellie. And again.

Sacrifice.

Ellie.

Ellie.

Sacrifice.

He closed his eyes and whispered into the night “I’m sorry.”

He looked at her again, as if remembering her features before he spoke again. “911? I’d like to report an accident.”

[triumphorce]

under umbras of bundles  of stars,

canopies of leaves & branches that shatter-scatter sky image held indirect

as a gleam in eyes

as conscious lay in fabricated gardens watching memories, & desires in dream form

from across highway covered by

blue-white, 

yellow,

& orange lights

sound of tires, mufflers, sirens, 

amidst a higher sense 

attuned to

muffled far cries muffled while crossing empty lands

filled with chilling wind howls, stealing hope, 

which

kickstarts the power on survival mode..

ups& downs 

drown the cries further,

that

war, warn, or cheer..

or just sing..

maybe

a hymn made by souls for souls under same umbra to set free to lead to wonder & beauty beyond the surface of senses directly to free to seek love loss between me and me

buried beneath  road of longest journey to reach

turn feet all around

all about a world I have no idea about

just mad ideas about Kept in journals i turn over

to all but from in front of views not yet exploited by value of which is, views are power,  & are the will in word- to-page transaction

self diminished to substantiate

entries from entrails, not shown to be conquered

win or lose is how I never saw things.

win or win, only optionss, only progress..

yet..,always over complicating;

marathon sprints from start to finish

as I choose, If i choose, to continue to choose to overlook slopes in existence, where hides I, in ruins, digging for recognition

contribute to a mind overloading with what I know I owe society, &me,

burden of see-through beast, I see illusions of future thru,mistaken as truth, play victim, get stressed or believe I'm down on luck ,in dumps of depression and slum of beliefs,

 in a slump with headphones on temple and music up, reminisce about the golden olden, me and broseph, SSB, PSO, kanto, johto, cartoon cartoons, many one saturday morning’s, plenty cinnamon toast, fruity pebbles, so many card games at Books-a-million

but when I open eyes from trance

I'm forever face to face with today is today

not then not later...

just

 changes who changed how I changed regret and anger to compensate for blaming everybody but me

now I stare afraid at dilemmas mass effect decisions

 daily in-and-out-terventions

to keep from falling back into resentment.. spite blinding shelves of subconscious-self- disappointed perpetuating judgment of others binding progression, tying tongue, boiling blood because old habits die hard and I continue fucking up, up raging rapids w/o a paddle,   almost 3 decades of failing infinite (according to projections) feel I missed and am missing out on so much, so much world, so many words coiled inside, waiting to explode,

all the time, just like everybody.. everything mind sets sights on turns to target issue     how unfortunate for aforementioned coordinates, for anyone close enough for me to put in poems' , important enough to torment conscious over, used to be everybody, used to be nobody, used to be just some people, now its just me and i dont know him

   attempts to speak, to learn again, to teach me about me       to learn to teach                     myself, to set example for ambition directed toward a better version, better verses, better reimbursement of time given tryna be an extrovert, free from bitter, free from bitch asses, set internal standards to never  get fucked with again, fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, i only fucks with a journal & question  everyone,  everything, every word, every whisper, shit ima tell my children every day, breakfast lunch dinner,  do your best and fuck the rest, get it, get lit off enlightenment, fuck rest, save roosting for death, dont look at me, looknat the sky, seize the day in everyway brain permits, dont reach for others' and if anyone tries to take yours, that means they dont fundamentally respect life, so always permeate passion, ignore distractions keeping you from creating, test limits, test intentions, challenge imperfections with wisdom, know that perfect is just cosmetics, but i remain quiet.. remain tied up being alone, wondering..           whether I'm right to do any god damn thing        'cause if I don't do it right..       was I right to think I could, wrong to think I understood

am i wrong not to try?

what of what's sacrificed ?

how do i keep count

how did I end up here       in standby...

standing squeamish & deer eyed in light of opportunities rising in horizon of night skies, to step in to obtain warmth, maintain from days before, to do something, do the one thing, but when will I be ready will eyes be ready to comprehend right or wrong

only me, here. only us, on planet.

only who's responsible? how is who is affected by, afflicted by? when is too late? when is just right, always too soon to tell and.. if I don't do it now, then why expect change..

why, why, why

'cause I expect anything at all

anger toward unmanned vehicles imminent to collide with mine

driven mad up eighty-five degree angled walls during rush hour, sun beaming heat into ride, where i travel on path, thru battlefield of past where fallen intentions decompose to ignorance and wisdom sprouts in the mean time.. I'm in between times, feelin down, down down down down by the way

a trail thru fears past dead ends, rotting trees, looks like fallout hit

a past I try an' forget..

but remember out of reluctance 

to accidentally revisit regret,

stand next to biggest fears,  see if facing them uproots soul

rolls ideas in head, non-stop

like trolls troll under bridges 

to which billy goat gruff temper charges like crono's katana on zenan crossing,

lodes of odes to oaths, lightning loaded, aimed at negative minded sapiens bioshocks via rhythm and syntax, cryo cascades of ideas, locked away in moleskine or computer files to put to rest the rest of an inside in arrest to judgment, in side quest of public playthrough, i feel im on public display, static complaining in front of pretty much strangers   modes of awareness to mental problems i exploit to people who might not think im crazy, who might like what i write, might like to write about the same thing, might see giants in those same nodes i stand near, i hear crisp crackles filling an awkward air as i stare at words on sheets that i might tear, might let collect dust, or share prolly might be quiet, only sound is poetic drafts that fill in under open windows, I open slowly, cool rush, goosebumps, awake aware always, even when mind is a crinkled, crumbled candy wrapper still just construct wrinkles in time via           hairs stand, ovation, and encores to

     helping to cross over doubts, screams of slander, stop it all, right now, shed truth in another light, fed through veins like pen's ink to go over and correct vision of pinheads vane turnin art, free thought to cash and competition, trade purpose blow for blow with obstacles in the name of the next step, over opponents, trade nervous for nerves robust to withstand standing up to stretch and spread chest to stand up for work where time invested is braided circulation    goin in circles,        time wasted pet peeve number 1

    a nowhere never felt before        but something seems familiar.. overlooked,   under yards, under pressure of bone leverage, give life a lift thru cracks of a collapsing effort stretched behind chest and ribs

a heart glows in

hot coal hues hearth warmth under carbon sheets

till blood boils till steam coils from pores to kill the cold along roads

sun or none

no light above, isn't lack of.. 

(look inside)

----

harsh heat of reality hot enough to feel cold

make me go ghost in dark times..

friction strong enough to spark moist..

continue until i sear nerves disembody fromm pain till im felt by meta-form of others

heartfelt arcs between soul and soul-mind 2 mind

light releases thru iris folds spectacle in spectacles----

spectrum wheel of emotions spins &spins to  understand self an urge that intensifies the more  i live life as well as I can Improve every day, no excuse, don't ignore the corners, get behind my ears,every nook and cranny in creative muse-um, uhm, duh, raised on books, nintendo, animation,& wishbone, outside, only myself as playdate, use every square inch as play-scape under every hair in head, a mind uses face and body as way to create 4 fourever& vice versa to escape who ever & know I can do whenever, wherever

wherever i go, a voice in mind goes

that keeps on talkin , keeps me talkin tellin me I've talk--, wrote enough hoped enough to last a lifetime, but that's not enough

and I still got a lifetime

to either solidify or fuck it up

gradually let go of 

to concentrate on life's finest moments i build to build form in appreciation, saying get up, enjoy the sun rays breaching clouds just before dawn; gett off yo butt and do what you know what you taught you to do when you were at multiple low points and you promised you, you'd never fall to end, even if you fall again, again, and again, never stall in the middle of  takeoff stop in middle of road, cant press play if you lost remote, might as well get up and do it, crawl, run or walk away when the times calls to brawl dark-inner energy only honorable mentions defend health during dishonorable discharge of nega, into rivers, into blue sky.. bordered by white clouds and linear silver

a safe place, work space, desk clerk sifting day to day thru file cabinets memories in memos in notebook; written relativity explaining how I see, what I think say what i want like im eight, glad i spent so much time with words and space-bars,   to escape judgment, hatred,

anxious surrounded by bad vibes

above an Earth, below expectations; over a self under surveillance by approval from inside, crazy dimensions, On the fence between people and myself I close eyes, ride waves of nostalgia once more..

see plenty light to traverse pathways, walk fer hours, walk like back in younger days, playin, runnin, completely captivated immersed in games played, tv, roller blades, monopoly, scary stories, trampolines

&10thousand songs later, 10million thoughts later, here I am doing what I made me to.

can't wait for the next chance

supplied energy through lines to hidden gracelands.

[killcomet]

A short story by yours truly

Home

You don’t have to read it, but this is it. It’s for my honors english, but I thought it was really good so sure

word count: 2k

summary: Max is fighting the ideals of her kingdom and ends up leaving to find a place to call home, a place where she can dare to be without judgment.

There was a kingdom that had it all. A plentiful economy, a King and Queen, heirs to the throne, and the people were happy. Except there was one that wasn’t, Princess Max, she went against all the things she was taught, because she was different. She practiced fighting with swords and bows, she studied strategy, she hardly ever came to balls and royal meetings, declined any offers of marriage and avoided big poofy gowns. She was everything that the ideals of her kingdom went against. She could read people like the back of her hand and became one of the smartest in the land.

One day she was coming back from the training grounds, when she walked past a group of servants talking about her, the wind carrying the whispers into her ear, “I don’t understand why she has such unappealing hobbies, her parents must be so disappointed.” After hearing this, Max looked over her shoulder, narrowing her eyes at the small group, “shouldn’t you be working?” she hissed. They quickly scattered, going down the hall in the direction came from. She let out a huff and scowled, before turning back around and looking out at the forest. The blank look on her face an almost unreadable if it weren’t for the small downward tilt of her lips. She needed to get to her parents in the throne room, having requested her almost an hour earlier. She sighs, trudging her way through the halls to find the King and Queen, mentally steeling herself again for the onslaught of whispers the wind will carry through her ears.

She walks into the throne room, the doors big and heavy, slow to open. There are pillars on either side of the large room, the ceiling covered in magnificent art, the windows made of stain glass, shining colors that made the most beautiful rainbows look whimpy. The thrones themselves were painted gold, with red velvet cushions and jewels lining the wood. There sat her parents, her father scowling at the sight of her armor. She walks toward the King and Queen with a blank look, her steady eyes burning into their faces, “King, Queen, you needed me?” Max asks in a monotone voice.

“We have put up with this nonsense for too long, and we have been lenient, but if you don't stop this ridiculousness, then we will be forced to take extreme measures.” the King says in a firm voice, a slight waver in his tone and snarl on his face the only indicator of his impatience and rage. Max winces, she had known that this would happen sooner or later, but even with the dirty comments and sneers, with the doubt clouding her mind every so often, she didn't wish to stop what she loved, so she didn't.

“I refuse to stop the things I enjoy because you don't agree with it”, trying to keep her calm was hard in these instances. “Then you will leave, you are giving some of the people ideas. Ideas that shouldn't be thought,” he pauses looking to the woman Max used to call her mother, “anything to say to Max?” the Queen comes down with a desperate look in her eyes, clinging on to whatever Max wore with fervor, as if she was drowning, “please sweetie, just forget about those silly things. They're just hobbies, we just want you to stay.” the woman says, an upward tilt and slight waver to her voice as if she was trying to convince herself of her claim as well as the princess before her. “No, you let me go the moment you looked at me the same way everyone else does,” she pauses, looking at the King, “I'll leave, but dont come after me.”

The King looks at her with the same look she looks at him, with no love in them, “Very well. Oh, and Max,” she pauses, this being the first in a long time for the King to address her directly, “I’m not the only one that thinks the way we do.” he says with malaise, the realization that his only daughter would be leaving, “I know.” Max says, her tone cold and biting.

She turns around, walking out to grab what she needs to leave, already having a place in mind for her journey of a new home. A village, fabled and far away, with many creatures and people who are free to do as they wish with no judgment. It was a dream, something that only those who have been know where it is. While walking the halls of the large castle, she had heard the people she passed whisper about her leave, and seen the knights of the kingdom grimace as she passed by out of the corner of her eye.

When she gets to her room, she grabs only necessities, such as her sword, and her bow and arrows. She also grabs a change of clothes and food she had stored under her bed for situations like this. Putting this all in her bag, she sees a necklace that she had forgotten about, as well as the book of creatures that she had had since she was little. The necklace was silver, a small pendent of a dragon curled into itself with a small green gem in its jaws. She quickly snatches it and puts it around her neck, hiding it under her armor and clothes.

As Max is walking toward the door, she pauses to look over the room she had slept in for all her life. They were mainly grey colors, with hints of dark red in areas. For a moment, she lets her guard down and a small smile graces her face, reminiscing of the past, before Max lets out a sigh and finally turns around, her sights set on the village only whispered among those who already know, in fear that others with ill intentions will find it. Max’s armor clanks with every step taken away from the place she called home, having doubts that she’ll be able to find the village, or survive in the forest. Or if she was able to succeed, after all, no one else thought she would, why should she? But then she remembers that the people weren't her, and they were not the ones that would be able to say that they tried when no ones else dared to.

With renewed motivation, she walks through the halls, quickly reaching one of many doors that lead outside the castle, specifically the one that leads to the forest. She walks out, giving one last glance to the kingdom, seeing people in the openings and windows of the castle, even seeing a few of the people she ruled over outside their homes out of the corner of her eye. Some are waving her off, a small portion having a triumphant smile on their faces, all of them having different reasons for said smile. Max lets a big smile slowly grace her face, waving the people that, thought some were nasty and vile others soft and kind, she loves. Slowly turning around as she walks, she begins her journey to find the village.

After a few days during one her rests, a pack of wolves tries to attack Max, and after fending them off, she realizes that one of them had bit her leg, and hard. She also sees that she has nothing to treat her wound, “Out of all the things I had to forget to bring, it's arguably one of the most important.” she scolds herself.

The next day, she finds a loan dirt road. “Why in the world is there a road in the middle of nowhere?” Max mutters, slowly walking toward it, the ocean-like forest eerily quiet, the only sound is the crunching of leaves under her feet and the howling of wind through the tall trees. Suddenly, she realizes there's a large green dragon laying on most of it, appearing to be keeping watch. Max slowly walks toward the large creature, the dragon stirring awake. It slowly opens its eyes, rising to its full height, narrowing a glare at Max’s small form. Breathing out, it lets out a puff of smoke, as if it was daring her to come closer.

“It's not I ever follow the rules anyway.” Max grunts. She slowly approaches, “Please, I just want to find the village.” she whispers, more to herself than the creature before her. The dragon wavers, before it uses its big claws to push her back, one of them getting caught on the chest plate, resulting in the sharp claw creating a large gash. She grunts, tears coming to her eyes, letting out a strangled gasp. She grips her gash as best she can, taking a step make to stop herself from falling. She refuses to unsheath her sword, wanting to calm the dragon before doing anything rash. Dropping all that she's carrying, she slowly walks toward the dragon, dragging her injured leg along with her. She raises her arms, trying to tell the creature that she means no harm, “Please just let me pass, its all I ask.” she had read once that dragons could understand many languages, she hoped that humans’ were one of the many on that list.

The dragon, with cat-like pupils and yellow eyes, turns its head slightly, looking at something. It then looks at Max again, breathing out smoke. A second passes where they both stand still, but Max puts too much weight on her leg, and unknowingly leans on it, making her jerk in pain and tears overflow from their ducts, “why did I have to forget that one thing.” it's more a statement than a question when she says it. The dragon slowly sits down and raises its head, letting out a sound that sounded almost like a cat yowling, signalling something. Soon, a woman and a few others, many of them being of different species other than human, came down the road. The woman slowed to stop in front of Max, carrying an ax for protection just in case it was needed. She took a quick look at both the bite and gash on her chest, gently lifting the chest plate. Looking closely at the gash, the woman glances up at Max before turning to the others, “Get this knight medical attention!” she shouts. Max quickly loses consciousness from blood loss, the last thing she sees is people running up to her and someone picking her up before everything becomes a black void.

When Max’s opens her eyes again, it's a little fuzzy, the smell of antiseptic in the air, making her scrunch her nose in disgust. She looks around and sees that her leg and chest is wrapped and healing. She groans as she sits up, and sees outside the window there's all kinds of people outside. She sees people of different species conversing, anyone who wants practicing with swords, and she can see the dragon she had met a little far off in the outskirts of the village. She hears a door open and looks to her right to see the woman from earlier walk in.

“Hey, how are you holding up? Those were some nasty cuts you had.” the woman had a hint of amusement in her soft voice, an upward tilt to her lips. Max chuckles, “Yeah well I'm doing better than however long ago it was when you found me.” she has a small smile on her lips, an unfamiliar but not unwelcome feeling, “can I walk outside?” she sounds timid yet excited, already knowing what this place is. The woman grins, a fond look in her eyes “Of course.” she helps Max up and out of the building she was held in for recuperation.

When Max walks out the door she's in awe, already iching to build her new life here. “The dragon you met was frank, he's been worried about you.” the woman looks out on all the people, a proud look on her face. Max lets out a breathy chuckle, looking back at the woman, and she sees the curious look in Max’s eyes, softly chuckling, “My name is Phoenix, and I'm the one that runs this place, a place for people to be without judgment,” she pauses, thinking about her words. A grin slowly takes refuge on Phoenix’s face, “Welcome to Seishin Village.”

seishin- Japanese for spirit

authors note: I chose the name seishin because i was thinking of the phrase free spirited, and theres a lot of metaphors all over. and sorry if the grammers a little shaky, I may have missed some stuff when editing

[inaptwritersstuff]

Lies,Love,Lust and Sword

She stood on a rock, her auburn hair flailing about in the ocean wind, those soft lips lifting up in a triumphant smirk. The tip of her sword preesed against the man's throat standing on the ground below her.

They had been playing a game of secrets. Hiding their ruthless nature, desperately hoping their masks would make the other person love them. Fate was cruel,wasn't it? She internally chuckled remembering how neither of them had recognised the obvious truth, too caught up in their own lies.

A shudder went through him. He had his eyes downcast. Thinking?regretting?or had he accepted his fate?. She didnt know.

She could still see his arched lips. The lips that had had her chasing her highs with just groaned out words, lips that had had her heart melting with their whispered promises, the same lips that had kissed her with all the devotion in the world. He had always been sweet to her both in words and actions. And suddenly she realised how foolish she had been. Everything she had chose to ignore. She used to sense that he was restrained when being with her:in the ways he glided his fingers over her skin and how he always behaved as though she was fragile. Now she saw that his softness was just a cover for his ruthless self. For the first time she saw him for the trained assassin he was and all that those pretty lips could do was spin lies.

But now was not the time for reminiscence. She would do that later after she had washed of his blood in the oceans.

She pressed her sword at his throat, a bit harder and watched mesmerized the blood trickle down his throat. She lifted his chin up wanting to see the life drain from his eyes.

His adams apple bobbed once, twice, and then he lifted his eyes to hers. She wasn't ready for what she saw in them. It wasn't resignation or aggression.

Yes there was a tinge of fear maybe even trust(about what she didn't know) but his eyes,they were filled with lust. Caught off gaurd, she had to tighten her hold on her sword.

She knew she was going to kill him, had to kill him but why shouldn't she indulge him, herself for the last time. Just for a moment.

She dragged the sharp tip down his neck and lower still. She cut through the shirt reaching his pants and again retraced her path. She glided over the defined muscles, his shoulders and then back again to his abs. She could see the bruises already forming marking where she had been. She flatened her sword again his pebbled nipples,the metal cold against his hot skin. A shudder went through him. She was about to smile in victory. That one moment of gloating cost her.

In a lightning fast move he caught her hands and she realized the mistake she had made. She had let herself get played,again. She knew he was going to kill her, after all, he had been paid to kill her.

He pulled her down to him. Hands still holding hers over her sword. Even though she hadn't completely lost the sword, she knew she couldn't over power him. She only held on to the hilt, futilely, her knuckles turning white. She knew her death was going to be a painful one because she had bruised him now. She wouldn't look at him, wouldn't give him that satisfaction.

He shocked her again. He took her fingers of the sword and lifted them to his lips; left feather light kisses on each one. Sucked them into his warm mouth and lapped at them like he would her pussy.

She was starting to get turned on. But confusion clouded her mind. She didn't understand what was happening. "what are you doing? Are you cozening for one last lay before you kill me?"

Her voice brought him out of his lust induced haze. He seemed appaled by her suggestion. He immediately let his hands off the sword and cupped her face. " I'm sorry I ever deceived you. I never thought i would grow to care about someone ".....he let out a resigned sigh and continued..... " at first I was only fascinated by you, but then along the way I feel in love with you and now I can't imagine a life without you"

She started laughing at his absurd proclamation of love," you have to come up with a better plan to decieve me again. Those three little words aren't enough" she said.

He seemed hurt but as though he understood, " Mara I didn't know you were the Amara of Asclepius that I was paid to kill, everything we had was true! The only thing I hid was that I was a warrior. Mara I didn't, couldn't ever hurt you." He lifted the hand that held her sword to his chest above his heart and held it there.

"Mara, I love you with all my heart and I realized this only when you had the sword at my neck. I realized I would rather die than lie without you. "He said his hands holding hers, the sword pressed to his chest.

She was shocked to say the least. Her heart was beating against in her chest. He had confessed his love with a sword aimed at his heart. She somehow knew he was being earnest. She knew he wouldn't kill her, the sword at his chest now was proof enough. But she had more pressing doubts.

But should she take him back? Was he actually in love with her? Would they even be compatible? He killed for a living, she studied and healed. At the same time his confession rang in her head loud, clear, repeatedly. And then it stuck her. She didnt care either. She would rather take a chance with him and face any thing rather than be without him.

She threw her sword to the ground and lept on him, kissing his lips with soo much passion he stumbled back a few steps before pulling her closer. Their hands moved with a frenzy, feeling the other confirming that the other person was actually here. They broke away when he groaned as her hands brushed over one of the bruises she had made.

She sent a sheapish smile ,and said"I'm so sorry about that, I dont know what came over me".

She traced her tongue over the shell of his ear and whispered, " I promise I'll make it up to you"

Goasting her hands over the bruise she made just above his pants she added in a teasing tone , " but from your reactions one might say you actually enjoyed it"

He pulled her even more closer so that their bodies were molded and practically purred, "you have no idea how much".

But before they could lose themselves in the other's body, he pulled away and aterted dragging her away saying," this place is far too open and I have far too many things i wanna do to you".

She laughed ang said,"whats the hurry we have the rest of our life to ourselves"

With his eyes filled with love and the biggest smile she had seen on him he promised"the rest of our live together".

They left the beach hand in hand.

He knew that they he would make sure they had the rest the rest of their lives to love each other. He wasn't the best assassin in the realms for nothing.

*—–—–—–*

Inspiration:

[klarkkent71]

Trilogy(Complete)

Trilogy-Friends, Partner, Breakup

Trilogy-Friend, Partners, Breakups

Throughout my works, I write and based poems off real-life situation and inspiration from other sources.  I sometimes have this ability where I feel I can tap into anyone situation and write about it.  I also love creating stories from scenarios that I have run in my head.  I have plenty of notebooks full of works and want to publish a few books.  The friend series were poems written before the relationship started.  I would take this girl out and crush hard but I always play it off like I was not feeling any specific type of way.  These poems come from the earlier half of time.  From taking this person out on her birthday for hibachi, to experiencing the first kiss, and the phase of just falling for someone.  The common theme for every poem is that I think readers could tap into my mind and see the motivation behind every piece

The Friend Series(Part 1)

Crushing

Your smile brightens days

Your eyes are just amazing

Your heart has beautiful ways

My desire to date you is just blazing

1st Kiss

Our eyes connected

We held hands

Our lips become one

I learned what a kiss from heaven felt like

Untitled

I yearn to want to have you close and dig into your mind

A friend of beauty for some reason it’s hard for me to just stay in line.

Every time we out for some reason I’m just getting lost in your eyes

You’re beautiful inside and out and that’s something I quickly realized

The first time we hung out I knew at some point I just couldn’t stay in the zone of friends

But I have to hold off on my true self because I want the happy feeling between us to never end

Career driven and ambition you have all the traits I adore

Hopefully, our future has a lot more in store

Why I like You PT1

Something about your smile that just drive me so wild

Its something about your pure heart that you have the innocence of a child

I can see myself on future dates with you hold hands

I know I say a lot but I can see myself being your man

I see us having a future even though tit’s not love yet

Your beauty is similar to that a million suns and a magnificent sunset

Cross The Line

I wish we werent friend that our lips can become one

I wish I can just open my mouth and share my true feelings

I feel stuck that I had crush this long and closure havent came

Its tough seeing so beautiful and knowing youll probably never have

Maybe years later once were completely apart this something we can laugh about.

Until then I’m in my own lane.

Part 2 covers the phase when things were official.  I would be triggered after various events and write for specific incidents. I would get lost in moments and memorize works in my head just so that I can go to the bathroom and type them.

Partners(Part 2)

Kunningham Part 1

You are my best friend and someone who stuck it out with me through thick and thin

When I failed and hung my head your motivation wouldn’t let my ambition end

You pray for me and cook for me and transcend my spirits to a level that sex can never reach

Though far from perfect your are everything that I need

From you I’m learning it is more within , please dont change

Kunningham Part 2

You walked in my life and showed me what love really mean

The fact I get to be your man everyday feeling like a dream

You pray for me and I wouldn’t trade anything we have for the world.

One day I picture us married with a boy and girl

It’s something about your eyes where I fall in them and get lost for the day

You’re religious and believe in God and for us, you pray

You’re also ambitious as hell and Im in love watching you chase all your dreams

I’m beyond blessed and lucky

Untitled

This feeling I have with you I pray always last

You’re in my arms and my entire universe feels complete

I’ve been damaged by love but could care less about the past

Your love is all I need and once have a cold blind heart I can now see.

If love was a physical being it’ll be you

There nothing in this world for you I wouldn’t do

With you, by my side, I feel like I’m living a perfect love scene

And the connection is beyond physical because our connection is as natural as it seems

I get butterflies in my chest when I think of us

I’m cherishing every moment we have

I never knew I can feel so much joy in my life.

Fireworks on  South beach

Nothing but fireworks when we come together

I’m asking myself can this life get any better

Life by the beaching and traveling to me was never part of the plan

I’m only a country boy who really only been to Afghanistan

Now my perspective on life has changed

And I have you to thank for such a positive thing

Breakfast on Ocean Drive which I really only seen on cable

I’m still in disbelief we saw Justin Bieber walk across the table

I still remember you just yelling out of joy when it happened.

We even went to KOD to see Soulja boy who had the club in action

The strip wouldn’t let us sleep because everyone did nothing but walk and play tunes

We was taking everything in and barely hanging in the room.

I still laugh from snorkeling and getting pictures in the water

I’m still in shock that I thought the boat was moving the whole time when we were anchored and I thought it was leaving us and going further

The 4th of July you took the best picture at the right angle of time.

Memories with you that I’ll always cherish for a lifetime.

Love(Haiku)

Love is beautiful

Love is what you make me feel

I really love you

Untitled(Haiku)

A heart once shattered

Now it learned to love again

Oh what a feeling

This Breakup Series covers all the time we were broken up from mid relationships to the final one.  I remember being ate up throughout the years and this covers various periods of time and events I kept within my notes

Breakup Series(Part 3)

Before the final Breakup

Untitled

No matter what I do I can never get this love thing right

Now I’m up alone crying myself to sleep at night

I know I suck at expressing myself but I never wanted you to quit

Now I’m just here alone feeling like shit

I feel my world was just shattered and burned.

I know heartbreak is constantly in rotation but I didn’t want it to be my turn.

Breakup(Haiku)

What did I do now

I can never get love right

Life somehow goes on

Final Breakups

The Call(Breakup)

I remember getting told that things are over

And I didn’t react because my heart was unattached

No tears or remorse I took it like a Soldier

The heart beats on with afeeling that’ll never be matched

Love Lost PT 1

I was young & dumb and messed up my gift from God

She saw me as truth and I turned out to be a fraud

Its truth in the statement of not cherishing something until its gone

Since you walked out my life I feel all alone

I lost sleep with thoughts of you on my mind

Hoping that you show up in my dream from time to time

I still reminisce on just beyone together and driving and holding hands

I was just stressed from time to time but was happy I was your man

Then October came and that’s when I got the call

It’s over

Untiltled

I’m in a new state, new fate, and my world was just broken and it’s off for good

I’m so numb to life that I can even comprehend what happened

I want to call and talk and my gut is telling me I should

I’m just gone drink all this pain away noting is everlasting even love

Email

My heart is pounding and it’s been two years since we spoke.

I don’t even know if you’ll reply, the past two October I had this feeling where my spirits were broke

I have to express my thoughts and get them out my mind

I know the saying goes that wounds heal over time

I’ve retyped and read this email over and over and have yet to hit send

At times I wish this was just a dream and the situation was just pretend

I’ve prayed for someone like you and messed up in my blessing

I was too caught up in my ways of pride and stressing

Why is saying I’m sorry so hard to do

Why is there feeling that exists where I’m not over you

Why my heart is pounding just to send an email

Why do I have my emotions just bottled into one shell

“Send”

Untitled

I’m trying to apologize to just make peace

I don’t want this feeling of your hating me

3 and half years later I just want to come face to face for closure

But the person I once had isn’t there anymore and I feel like things are hopeless and over

I write to express myself I just want to clear up lies

I was honest and told you that hurt you cause me to lose sleep and didn’t want to see you cry

Any seed of hope can’t grow in bad soil

Now I’m sticking to myself only because any attempt now just makes your blood boil

Bruno Mars has a song I play on repeat titled when I was your man

The first time I heard it we were broken up at the time while watching a movie in Alexandria titled Think Like a Man

In the hook, he spoke nothing but truths and one of the lines that make my heart was just thoughts of us being able to dance

I pray one day we can just sit and have closure and one final chance to just enjoy each other company and end it all with one final farewell dance

May 26

........Peaceful

[dappercrows]

DRUNK BATJOKES CUZ MY ROOMIES DID IT TOO

Batman growls at the clown, his teeth showing too much for his own good. Joker love the way those little white bones shine in the near darkness. Joker laughs, and dodges a punch like he never gets hit. Batman manages to slam a fist into the clowns face a moment later, feeling more satisfied than he should for making violent contact. Joker loves the attention and bursts out into hysterical laugher, blood dripping from his nose and into his dry mouth. “Batsy, do it batsy, kill me. let me win!” He says with a smile. 

“No!” Batman yells, his face angry and tired, so, so tired. This was their life, beating each other senseless to near death because thats all they knew. Batman glared into Joker’s eyes, holding the blood stained, formal orange shirt with a tight fist. 

“Batsy. Please...” Joker says, alomost desperate now, sounding broken and desperate. 

“I dont want to kill you.”

“Then what DO you want to do to me, Bats?” Joker asks, his face all but beaten to a bloody pulp. Batman doesn’t know how to respond, but Joker looks sad, desperate, and their eyes meet for just a little too long. 

“Joker...” He says after a far too long pause. 

“Hit me.” Joker begs, his eyes intense. Batman complies, and blood splatters from jokers mouth, hitting the asphalt hard. 

“NO. I’m done. I... I’m tired Joker. I... I can’t take this anymore. We need to stop. We’ll kill each other!” Batman is practically yelling now, more emotion behind his word than he even realizes.

“I love you Batsy. No one but you can hurt me like this. Only you.” He says, and Batman swears he sees tears caught in those bright green eyes.  Batman punches the clown because he doesnt know how else to react to what he thinks is Joker trying ot get under his skin.

“SHUT UP!” He yells, his covered eyes narrowing on red lips and pale skin and green hair. 

“It’s okay Bats, I thought we could keep doing this, but we’re getting old and I want more. You just aren’t as fun are you, and I figure my antics aren’t getting more impressive either,” Joker says, his face stretched into the smile that Batman is all too familiar with. They smile that makes Batman ache despite the fact he would never admit it. 

“What...” Batman says, acting confused, but he knows what Joker means, he feels it too. He needs it too. “All this time. You and me. Come on  bats, what do you say?” Joker says, grinning thorugh bloodied mouth and balckend eyes.  “Stop... playing games Joker.” Batman says, but he’s hesitant, he knoes joker isn’t playing, knows hes never been playing when hes said these kinds of things. In a weird way, he’s always known that Joker has been in love with him.  “Would I joke?” Joker asks, sounding offended, and touches his almost broken hand to his chest.   “You’re going to Arkham, wher eyou belong,” Batman says, trying ot avoid the subject, but its the only thing he can think about, its been on his mind since the beginning. Him and Joker, locked in this cycle, doomed to kill each other. Or were they?

“I love you.” Joker repeats, even more desperately than last time, as if batman didn’t comply he would kill himself, or drive himself even further down his insanity whole. It shook Bruce, at his very core. He knew he wanted it, knew that what they had was special, that they needed each other. He pulled Joker in without a work and practicall slammed their mouths togehter, the feeling reminiscent of the Joker gas he’s been subject to so long ago. Their lips slide and grate against each other in a way thats too perfect. Their kiss goes on for minutes before Batman manages to break it, “Joker... I... You’re sick and need help. It’s what Ive always wanted for you. Please, let me help you.” Joker laughs, but says nothing. “Ive wnted you, okay?” Batman says, angrily, “But you need help.” He growls, trying to get some snese of humanity out of the clown.  “Its all of me or none of me Batsy. Don’t you dare try to change me.” Joker says, grabbing onto Batman’s cape, pulling him close. Their lips smash again, Joker;s teeth bite into Btaman’s lips and draw blood with a moan. “Batsy,” He mumbled into teh kiss. “Joker....”Batman starts, but doesn’t say anything else, and instead grapples to a nearby rooftop, to rooftop to street to batmobile. He Buckles the clown in, and punches in the autopilot for the batcave. Eventually, in the silence he speaks up, “I don’t know what this is... if it;s a trick or a joke, but... Im taking you to the batcave, and Im going to keep you there until I’ve decided what to do with you.” He explains. “Oohh Batsy, I love it when you take charge.” Joker says, his brain still fuzzy from all the senseless violence.  “As long as you treat me like hte lady I am, “m aaall your’s” He grins, his eyes might as well be closed.  “I know,” Batman replies and hopes he doesn’t regret his decision as the car races towarsd his very secret cave.

[swearronchanel]

6.08, my last commentary™ R I P to me

I wanted to post this right away but my phone died and I broke my charger so I had to handle that but now I’m finally able to. I’m literally dead, I STILL can not process how amazing it was. So I’ll just get on with it post my earlier thoughts  

¡¡TODAY IS THE DAY AHH!! IM FREAKING LATE KILL ME

BUT HOW ARE WE ALREADY HERE? IM NOT READY FOR THIS SERIES TO END BUT I NEED TO SEE SHELGAH *SAFELY* GIVE BIRTH TO A HEALTHY BABY. ANYWAY IM LITERALLY GOING TO DIE AFTER THIS EPISODE SO ENJOY THE FINAL THOUGHTS OF MY LIFE, LETS GET IT ..

MY HEART IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE ITS BEATING SO FAST

TBH I MIGHT SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

SCREW THESE CREDITS BUT I NEED THEM BC IM NOT READY OMG

IM SCREAMING

aw baby! & hey val

Does this mean Delia had No letters from pats this whole time??

MY BBY SHELAGH OMG HER BELLY

SHE CANT REACH HER SHOE OMG SO PRECIOUS THOUGH

Sister MJ I love u 😭😂

Family planning clinic!

YES VAL! they’re women not criminals !!

YES TRIXIE THANKS BBY FOR SPEAKING UP

aww poor Barbara

“..There are tales of missionaries served for luncheon in those climes” LMAO OMG SISTER MJ THATS NOT WHAT SHE NEEDS TO HEAR RIGHT NOW

It’s so sweet that Babs really wants her dad, I feel. My grandfather officiated my parents’ and brother’s wedding, I hope he does mine. If someone wants to marry me one day ofc lol 😂😭

SHELAGH IS ACTUALLY YELLING .. WHY DO I LOVE IT?

All the shit she’s been through/delt with and pregnancy sets her off huh..

BUT TRIXE AND SHEALGH INTERACTING YESS NOT THE WAY I WANTED BUT ILL TAKE IT FOR NOW

AWW MY BBY CRYING SOMEONE HUG HER 😭😭💕💕

MY BBY TRIXIE IS SMIRKING AT MY OTHER BBY LOL STOP 😭😭💔

“Hot and bothered” 😭😂 Violet having hot flashes. That’s not funny but i giggled I’m sorry immature of me

I can’t imagine being around when the pill was just coming out(or antibiotics even) like that must have been so wild ? you really would think they were magic *remember Vanessa Redgrave saying that in series 2?*

my mom is a nurse at a gyn/fertility office and she informed me of so much at a young age lol maybe that’s why I’m so curious idk?

lol I remember being like 13 and my friends didn’t know there was more than just the pill when it came to birth control and I really felt I was an expert😂 but *a judge’s voice* irrelevance moving on.

Needing your husbands permisson for a bank account? *sucks teeth* Vete ya!

Aw my bby shelagh 💔💔😭

“And I’ll warrant you’ve never felt more scared” I AM! AND THIS ISNT EVEN MY FICTIONAL PREGNANCY

“Oh lass“😭 PHYLLIS COMFORTING HER OMG I AM CRYING ALREADY, I NEVER KNEW I WANTED THIS

"Phyllis you’ve been a real friend” IM NOT OKAY OMG, THEY’VE COME SO FAR I CRY

OMG SHELAGH BEING SO CUTE WTF OMGGG 💖

PROTECT MY BBY & HER BABY AT ALL COSTS 💕💕

THE NONNATUNs CHEERING SO PURE 😭

“What if something goes wrong?” stop tempting fate Patrick !!

“I’ve made up my mind” MY BBY I CANT DEAL .. once upon a time she couldn’t speak up and was so timid 😭 my bby has grown

Her lipstick is a nice color, wait what’s this lady’s name?

The nurses all together makes me so happy omg why is this so adorable, even Phyllis is there !! SO PURE💕

Lol poor Fred tries his best !

Damn secondment to st Cuthberts, I guess Trixie couldn’t even be considered for to be Shelagh’s midwife

SHELAGH IN THE CARDIGAN >>

OF COURSE SHE CHOSE SISTER JULIENNE WE WOULDN’T HAVE ACCEPTED IT ANY OTHER WAY

“‘MY DEAR” BRB DROWNING IN TEARS

but omg was Phyllis disappointed 😭 no don’t be hurt that’s her basically her mother! (sister j and Phyllis would’ve been a good tag team though)

this montage just reminds me brb #irresponsibleme

Future Hereward’s take a note from the Turners, find out about each other sooner rather than later

LOL TOM’S AWKWARD FACE BC BABS IS GETTING CONTRACEPTION

it’s Wilma! her name is Wilma, noted.

Lol what does she sell? Is the company like Avon ? 😂I’m confused but also screaming too much internally

poor Babs is so nervous and feeling awkward 😂

Her face while on the bed😂 I feel

LMAO BABS TAKING OUT THE DIAPHRAGM & DROPPING IT HA

BUT WAIT THAT WAS THE TURNERS BATHROOM WTF ??

Patrick putting on or tying Shelagh’s shoes my fucking heart is melting

She doesn’t want him there .. for now?

“..We’re a team” 😭😭💕💕 marriage goals

“The minute I look at you I’ll give you everything you ask for” BRB I AM INDEED GOING TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

I CAN NOT DEAL

Phyllis exercising 😭😂

“I have chosen one of my friends” OMG MY HEART

PHYLLIS BE MY BRIDESMAID !??

why does she only have one though? is it more like a maid of honor?

HERES COME MORE TEARS

THE SPANISH AYE DIOS MI CORAZON

Aw good for Wilma being happy with her job! Does everyone call the sofa the settee?

There’s that babycham! Still was never sure if it was alcoholic or nah? sparkling cider maybe?

OMG I HAVE A BOTTLE IN MY BAG THAT I BROUGHT FROM FLORIDA

new drinking came, shots every time the show makes you cry lol jk i’d be on the floor 20 mins in 

that sports car aye

My bby looking good 😍😍

she knows what it’s like to be hurt Christopher😭

You’re not supposed to take 3 at a time Wilma, I’ve been scolded enough

Okay so Babs just fell asleep and that’s all?? Preview made it seem more dramatic

Now is Val going to listen and not touch anything? lol probably

Violet always rocking blue eyeshadow haha

Is that a silicone faja?? that looks hella uncomfortable

TRIXIE’S FACE OF DISGUST HAHA

OMG THE FAM HELPING OUT WITH FUNDS MY HEART

I WANT TO BE APART OF THE NONNATUS FAMILY!

PHYLLIS AND BABS DRESS SHOPPING I LOVE THIS

“.. she’ll have me to reckon with”  TE QUERIO MUCHO PHYLLIS

I NEED A PHYLLIS IN MY LIFE

SHE HAS A FAV DRESS OMG I LOVE HER

HER FACE OMG I NEED THAT SCREENSHOTTED

SHELAGH MY BBY😭😭

Their new bedroom is so 60s I love it

She still didn’t read the pamphlet !! I love her omg, such pure intentions

OMG SISTER J REMINISCING, AH FINALLY SOME ACKNOWLEDGEMENT THAT SHE WAS A NUN, I AM SOBBING BYEE IM DYING. MY HEART RATE IS SLOWING DOWN

POOR DEELS AW OMG she doesn’t deserve this, she barely has screen time don’t hurt her 

Shealgh’s got another nightgown! 1962/2017 is apparently the year of nighties #thebrinylonforthewinthough

I love pink waffers 😭😂

SHIT WHAT’S WRONG WITH WILMA IM SCARED, IS IT A HEART ATTACK?? BLOOD CLOT??

poor vi!! aww she misses reggie too!

AW FRED HUG HER

and he’s fanning her omg so pure

SHEALGH’S GOING IN TO LABOR ?? AHHHHH OMGG IM NOT READY

but also she has a housecoat how cute

SISTER J SAID “HIS SPINE” OMG HOW DOES SHE KNOW ALREADY

“I knew it” bless u bby😭😭 she is a GEM. WHY IS SHE SO LOVABLE?

omg Wilma don’t die, Trixie can u save her 😭

shit not looking good, maybe this was the death they meant

shelagh throwing up yikes

“She’s smiling and waving” yea we know that smiling and waving😂😂 but omg doesn’t this remind anyone of when you’ve been partying too hard but you’re trying to convince your friends that you’re not ready to tap out yet😂😭

if not nevermind I’ll feel trashy lmaoo

PASS THAT GAS AND AIR SISTER J

AW BBY YOU ARE BRAVE!!!!!!!

IM CRYING BUT RUNNING OUT OF TEARS

HOW TF DOES LAURA LOOK GORGEOUS ALL SWEATY AND IN TEARS WHILE PRETENDING TO BE IN LABOR?? & i’m still a creature?

Poor Patrick! He must be going as crazy as I am!

I DONT HAVE ASTHMA BUT I NEED AN INHALER BC I CANT BREATHE IM SO ANXIOUS OMG

IM NOT A SMOKER BUT I FEEL LIKE I NEED A CIGG BC IM ABOUT TO LOSE IT

Trixie is doing Wilma’s makeup omg I can’t take this 😭💔💔

“I can’t believe I used to dream of this” OMG SHELAGH & SISTER J

“Every woman alive is the sum of all she ever did, and felt, and was.” ..“and how do you know that?” ..“ i wasn’t aware that I did until just now”

¡¡¡IM A W R E C K!!! l o v e that

SHE IS SINGING DORIS DAY’s SECRET LOVE AND I AM F*CKING DEAD GOODBYE

PATRICK SINGING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR SOMEONE SEND H E L P IM DYING I BET IT’S “THEIR SONG” & YOU ARE ALL CORDIALLY INVITED TO MY FUNERAL IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS EPISODE  

I’M NOT GONNA MAKE IT

“We can’t just be like any other couple.. because we’re us”

MY HEART WTF I SWEAR IT IS ABOUT TO BURST BUT IT’S NOT BEATING

IM DEAD INSIDE AND MY BODY WILL FOLLOW WHEN THIS IS OVER

Get in there Patrick!

“The children are here” .. to say goodnight omg no😢

OMG PATRICK HOLDING HER I AM FUCKING SCREAMING

“YOU CLEVER GIRL” OMGG WHO CALLED IT

I CANT SEE WHATS HAPPENING TOO MANY TEARS IN MY EYES

IT’S A BOY I KNEW IT WELL I HAD A FEELING !

BABYTURNERLAND 2.0!!!! QUE LINDO DIOS TE BENDIGA 💖👼🏼

WHAT IS HIS NAME???

THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE OF MY LIFE WOW I CANT PROCESS IT ALL

“May the lord bless you and keep you” OMGGG, JESUS HEIDI WTF ARE YOU DOING TO ME ??!! I’ve never been so invested in a show or fictional characters’ lives like this 😭😭

I NEVER THOUGHT WE’D SEE THIS DAY AND IM HAVING SO MANY FEELS, I BARELY HAVE ANY THOUGHTS I AM S h o o k, I AM NOTHING IN THIS WORLD. JUST USELESS TRASH FOR CTM

WELL, ALMOST 19 YEARS OF LIVING WAS GOOD ENOUGH RIGHT?

HONESTLY JUST PUT ME IN THE GARBAGE BC I HAVE NOTHING OF SUBSTANCE TO SAY IM JUST GUSHING AND DYING

BUT SERIOUSLY LAURA MAIN IS I N C R E D I B L E AND DESERVES EVERY AWARD SO PLEASE GET IT TOGETHER @ THE EMMYS, THE SAGS, THE GOLDEN GLOBES & ALL OTHER AWARDS OF ALL PRESTIGE!!  STOP PLAYING GAMES & GIVE LAURA + CTM THE RECOGNITION IT DESERVES  !! & no excuses it happened for downton!

NO WILMA IS DEAD NO

The pill is so great and useful and miraculous in a way but I’m glad they showed some of its issues but DID THEY REALLY HAVE TO KILL THE FIRST WOMEN THEY GAVE IT TO? I’m still here tho, I’m rolling

NO TOM DONT SAY THaT WTF? TRIXIE IS OVER U AND U ARE OVER HER don’t ruin the moment

why did I think bab’s dad was the rev Applebee Thornton 😭😂😂😂?? where’s Jane lol

My bby trixie serving looks as always 😍😍

Aw his daughter is cute

CHRISTOPHER LOOKS GOOD TOO UGH😍

What are knickerbocker glories?

lol Boots! lowkey want to go there to satisfy my 15 year old self who liked to watch British youtubers affordable makeup videos (tbh I still do when I’m bored)

REGGIE! OMG HE CALLED VI MUM I DIE

OH YEA THE WEDDING OMG LOL I DONT FORGOT FOR A SEC

IM STILL SCREAMING, MY FREAKING BBY JUST HAD A MIRACLE BABY !!!!! I LEGIT RAN OUT OF TEARS WHAT DO I DO

LOOK HOW FAR WE HAVE COME MY GOD

THE GIRLS SINGING “HAPPY WEDDING DAY” TO BABS OMG THAT WAS GREAT, I NEED FRIENDS LIKE THAT

I NEED TO WATCH THIS AGAIN AND IT DIDNT FINISH YET

LMAO TOM AND FRED HUNGOVER, relatable AF😂😭

SO IS TOM’S SURPRISE IS MONEY? Or is he going to buy her something!?

Barbara’s cape reminds me of Phoebe’s from FRIENDS

The stain glass !! love it

PHYLLIS LOOKS SO ADORABLE OMG HER BOUCLE SUIT AW

WHY A HEADBAND ON YOUR WEDDING DAY BABs? BUT good for them lol 😭 I don’t care enough at the moment  but let them be happy they’re so great for each other !

HE GOT A FUCKING CAROUSEL OMG

damn. Nice one Tom. I’m a little jealous, someone needs to love me like that.😭

“At times, the present seems most perfect when it seeds lie in the past. And others, life is rendered flawless when we look towards future, glimpsing from within one golden moment all the joys the days to come might hold” 💕😢😭

THE TURNERS, NOW A FAMILY OF 5 OMGGGGGGG 😭😭

THE NUNS SO PURE ❣️ lol obviously

“We can not stand still because the world keeps turning. Every year must give way to the next and it’s stories must be folded, tucked away like children’s clothes outgrown, cherished and never quite forgotten”

VANNESSA ALWAYS SAYS THE RIGHT THINGS UGH

Aw Angela with Tim!

My BBY SHELAGH IN HER BLUE OUTFIT WITH UNNAMED BABY TURNER ID CRY IF I COULD

“1962 was a year of great change at Nonnatus House, but there’s always change, everywhere, there are always new faces, new tears to shed, new joys to invest in , yet the circle of love is not broken, it expands.” YOU GOT THAT RIGHT🙏🏼👏🏼🙌🏻😭😭😢😢💖💖

I NEED THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL LIKE TOMORROW PLEASE

lol Val screaming it’s snowing 😭 same

PATSY!!!

SHE AND DELIA KISSED OMG

GOOD FOR THEM 😭

ALSO GOOD FOR ME bc I was tired of the same complaints that BBC broke them apart and Patsy was “sent away” nah man Emerald was busy!

“Love bares all things, love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things and love never ends”

THIS WAS INCREDIBLE WOW IM A MESS

IF I DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE COMMISSONED FOR 3 MORE SERIES I’D THINK THIS WAS THE END??

BUT UGH NOW WE MUST WAIT

ANYWAY I SEE THE LIGHT FOLKS

IDK IF THIS IS HELL OR HEAVEN BUT I AM DEAD, I SEE THE EARTH BEHIND ME

TBH ITS PROB HELL

Someone throw me in the damn ground already!!

In loving memory of Gabby Nuñez (1998-2017) taken far too soon because of the emotional toll brought by call the midwife, she didn’t choose to get so emotionally invested it just happened. She is grateful for her time on earth, you may leave comments, flowers or send money. Thank you for putting up with her nonsense and foolishness *now someone give my eulogy & someone else may come up and sing a hymn to conclude*